2002-04-06 - 10:34 p.m.
yesterday was fucked up man...
fucked up.
oh, you want to know about it? what the hell is wrong with you? are you guys like... fucking people who like to read about fucked up things? man, i ought to kick the fucking shit out of ALL youse mother fuckers. shit...
nah, i dont care, i like to read about fucked up things too. like one time, i actually read this thing and it was all about fucked up stuff. i think it was the Rough Rider or something.
anyway...
yesterday was our road trip. yeah, so it started off with me waking up at like, 7 or something. so what'd i do? i think i played video games and watched tv. and then randi picked me up and we went back to her place to wait for kyle to pick us up. so, when kyle came we all laughed at him because he had to back out of randi's drive way with his big ass siena van. i really wished i hadn't laughed at him.
and then we went to kristen's house to wait for her and look at her doggie. yeah, i was fake angry at randi because she didn't let me drive, so my fake angriness caried over to the dog. the dog was all growling and barking at us so i went up to the window and growled and barked at it back. kyle got it on tape. and then when kristin came out we went and picked up jenna. and after that we drove out to aiea or pearl city or something and picked up whitney and the crew was formed.
so, by the time we picked up whitney, kristin was all quiet and looked like she was going to die. it turns out she needed food. so kyle took us to this pancake place in wahiawa for omlets. yeah, he knows a pancake place for it's omlets. some how, i'm sure i'm spelling that wrong. anyway... me and randi shared this strawberry pancake stack. that sucka is winna! pure fucking goodness man. fucking goodness. randi didn't want me to eat too much because i'm fat and i'm on a "diet."
and after that we went shopping. or, whitney and the girls minus randi plus kyle went shopping. i on the other hand walked around making jokes about everything i could.
oh, well, while we were on the road, me and whitney got into this "argument" over who's got the biggest harriest balls. and i got it all on tape too. yeah, whitney blames it on the strawberries and oysters she had in the previous few days. i hope kyle didn't edit it out.
no, wait... did we go shopping first? yeah, i think so. anyway, they found a dress store with this "nice" dress that was like, 300 something bucks.
after that we went tide pooling. it's a good thing we had kristen with us. at first, kyle wanted to take us to this one place, and so he parked the van, and then we go "hey, gomer, where's the tide pools?" (bonus points if you can figure out who i'm parodying there.) and so kyle tells us its back there pointing off about 100 yards. and we're all like "dude, no! we dont wanna walk! drive the van there..." and he starts going all beserker barrage on us telling us how it's only a short walk. so, randi with her quick wit and laziness tells kristen to use her big puppy dog eyes on kyle. and then she asks about sharks cove or something. and she busts out the big ass eyes again, and kyle can't stand it and gives in. so he drives us there and we all get out and go tide pooling. well, everyone but me i should say. i followed everyone with the camera. in my long pants, back pack and shoes. the funny thing is, i had the best ballance with speed over everyone. kristen slipped, whitney slipped, randi fell once, kyle fell a couple of times, and jenna ate it mulitple times. i on the other hand was like a billy goat. yeah, no one could touch me. it was like... bam! one rock to the next...
and then whit and kris found a sea urchin that was up on a rock and out in the sun. so they called me over because they didn't want it to die out in the sun. me being the one in marine science and all had to pick it up and save it. wusses. so i pulled it off a rock and started to show them all the stuff i could remember (nothing) and they got it on film. yeah, and then i took the camera back cause kyle can't be trusted on the rocks with a camera. so yeah, i went wandering around with the camera making fun of jenna by filming her all clumsily on the rocks. it was good. and then kris and whit found a sea cucumber, so i brought the camera to them. while they were holding it, it spit out this white viscousy liquid on kris' hand that looked like cum. so we filmed kris freaking out about it. it turns out it was just like cum in that it was really sticky. yeah, kris couldn't get it off her hand. she was freakin' out. it was sooooo funny.
and then we went to the other side and randi went looking for a hermit crab. why? so she could transplant it from one shell to another shell. that was her whole plan. just to pick one up move it. so mean yeah?
and after that we went to sunset beach i think and ended up just looking at the water from the van because it was hot and no one wanted to get out of the van with air conditioning.
after that we drove to hanama bay i think... no, i dont know. anyway. me and whitney slept in the van while everyone else went to the beach. it was kinda funny because since me and whitney spent our time in the van sleeping, kyle opened the windows for us. it felt like we were dogs. oh well, i got a good nap out of it.
and then we went to cholo's for lunch. i convinced jenna, kris, and whitney to try the lime cooler. they all loved it. yes!
and then we had to rush back to town so randi and whitney wouldn't be late for practice. the funny part was that whitney was very uh... how shall we say this? ah fuckit. whitney had to take a mean dump. so we made kyle speed back into town so whit could take a dump. yeah, it was bad for her because she also had to battle the gas. and if she had cut one loose, hooo boy, that sucka would've stank like a dead sewer rat. you see, when you've gotta poo, your farts are always worse because they go past all the doo doo in your ass and it just accumulates smell... bad stuff man. bad stuff.
after that, we dropped whit off at school so she could poo and then kyle dropped me off at randi's house to make her excuse for being late to judo more plausible. it was that we were at a key club project and i drove her back into town so she could get to judo, but we got held up... yes. so i took randi's car. well, i did some shopping. i bought my issue of sport compact car for the month. i wonder if super street has a new issue out yet? oh well, anyway... and then i went home.
i picked up randi at about 7 and i went to her house. we ate and this is where the trouble started. we were supposed to go to safeway to pick up some fruits and mushrooms for her mom, so i was gonna drive. bad idea. yeah, first, when i started backing out, i almost hit the bushes on the left side. then i corrected and almost hit the accord on the left side. so i corrected and started to easy my way out. and then i almost hit the van on the left side. but i corrected and started to ease out. do you see the trend? well, yeah, so i thought i was in the clear and was looking out the rear view mirror and then all of a sudden *CRUNK* "Oh shit!" fucking brakes. slam it into drive. floor it forward about 5 feet. park. get out. "oh shit..." i hit some lady's truck. rear pannel crunched in, paint missing, paint off the sentra missing but no body damage. shit... and kyle was just making fun of my ass that i was going to get into an accident in my first three months. of all the places to get into an accident, a fucking driveway. i would've preferred to have gotten into a big accident on the freeway than in a damn driveway. it would've been a lot more impactful (pun intended). besides, then i could've been on the news "oh god... the bastard in the mercedes cut me off and then slammed on his brakes because he realized he was too close to the guy in front of me... i'm gonna make sure i get A LOT of money out of him... he needs to learn his damn lesson. bitch." okay, so maybe not the "i'm gonna get a lot of money out of him" part, but deffinately the "bitch" part.
yeah, so anyway... i gave her the insurance papers that weren't mine and randi called her mom and i was all fucked up man. fucked up!
so we went to safeway where i couldn't stop saying "i'm gonna die... i'm gonna die... i'm gonna die..." and then when we got back to the car, i broke down man. i couldn't stop crying because i was all fucked up. yeah man. nothings worse than watching a fat man weep. (more points if you know where that's from.)
after that i told randi i was just gonna go home. we ended up sitting at a bus stop while i cried more. and then in her car where i cried more. and then i told her to bugger off because the bitch wouldn't go home. so i made her go home fucking vietnam style.
no, i didnt because i dont know how to make someone go home vietnam style. i dont even fucking know what the hell vietnam style is. anyway...
so i made her go home while i went for a walk. yeah, walking is like, good because i get to clear my mind with the intoxicating (un)smell of carbon monoxide. actually... carbon monoxide is intoxicating. hmph, food for thought. oh, and i can lose weight doing it too.
and then i went home where i told my parents who supprisingly didnt kill me nor take away my license or the keys. maybe it was because i voluntarilly turned it in. i dont know...
and then i went to sleep in a fucked up state of mind.
oh wait, i do that every day anyway.
anyway.
i woke up this morning still feeling groggy from last night. so what'd i do all day? i slept. i slept all friggin day. yeah.
and then at 6 randi picked me up. we were supposed to go tux shopping w/ jenna and royden, but royden's a retard and so we couldn't go. so now i'm at randi's house typing this and watching SNL.
i love this shit...
P.S. kyle, if you make fun of me for this, i swear to god i will slash your tires or something.
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