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2003-09-21 - 11:40 a.m.

okay, so i didn't die in this week of hell. infact, the big climax of this bad-as-shit-in-a-bottle week was me being re-born... sorta. if i hadn't been telling myself jokes in my head i might've been re-born anyway.

okay, so last night at work, i'm walking around the store asking if people need help blah blah blah. so i see this guy by religion/bibles (my section by some act of a sarcastic and vengeful god). so the guy asks if we have any books that go in depth about each scripture of the bible, so i point out the big ass Strong's Concordances and stuff, but that wasn't what he was looking for, so i grabbed Ken's Guide to the Bible just for kicks. he didn't like it. but whatevers... y'know? so i thought the whole conversation was done since i couldn't help him. but nope... the fucker asks if i believe in God.

hoping i could get away from the topic, i just told him "i believe in a God, i'm just not sure what his, or her, name is." oh lord... what a can of worms i opened up.

"you know what ryan? God just spoke to me," (oh fuck...) "and he told me to tell you that his name is 'Jesus.'" then it all went down hill from there.

first, i started thinking "wait, God is a mexican dishwasher at taco bell?"

and then God and Jesus man started to lecture me on how if all i did was direct myself towards God by saying a prayer every morning before i started my day and then God would accept me into his kingdom blah blah blah. by now, i was thinking "Tell him you're Jewish! TELL HIM YOU'RE JEWISH!!!" but i was afraid of this guy too by now. religious folk always scared me... i think it's their blind devotion which makes me question what they think of earthly laws... especially those of just any random country or state.

and so he kept talking, and eventually, the jerk made me say a prayer with him. he made me forsake all my past sins and to accept Jesus into my heart. he said that if i were to drop dead right then and there, i would go straight to heaven. trying to be nice, i played along "oh wow. that was easy enough." yada yada yada... and he kept on talking to me, telling me that soon enough, someone would could to me to tell me to go to this or that church, and that i should go out of respect to Jesus who bled on the cross for my sins. about now, i was worried that he would eventually tell me to go to his church. 'cause if he told me that, then i'd really be fucked. he'd know to shit i was lying by today... by now actually. oh man...

luckily, warren that sweet beautiful sonuvabitch saved me. he "asked" me to help him shelve some stuff. whew. so we went to the back and i just lost it. this guy totally got me thinking. am i going to hell for saying all these things in my head? what if someone does come and tell me to go to this or that church? would it be a coincidence? would it be a sign? ah fuck it! i can't think! my head's going to explode!

so yeah, i went into a total funk after work.

"if it weren't for those pesky god and jesus kids."

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