2003-09-27 - 12:53 a.m.
don't you hate it when you start thinking about things in the weirdest of places at the weirdest of times?
tonight, while i was eating dinner at TGIFridays with Bree, i started to think about my neighbor who passed away earlier this week, on tuesday morning. i don't know why i started to think about it then, but it just happened. i tried to associate it with anything i could; things like "well, i'm eating french dip, and the french dip has roast beef wich used to be living beef. now it's dead. maybe thats the connection." but it wasn't. there was no connection, it just happened.
but, anyway. i was thinking do you feel sorry for someone who passed away when they didn't want to live in the first place? should you mourn them when all they wanted was to just be done with it and this be their desired result? what do you do?
i've never been very good with death. i never know what to do when someone dies. my uncle died when i was an early teenager. i watched him take his last breath, i watched his heart stop on the EKG. i watched as my relatives cried. i didn't know what to do, so i read my book.
with gracie, my neighbor, as soon as i got the news, i called my mom and told her, but after that i didn't know what to do, so i went back to playing video games. i guess i just kinda fell back on what i knew how to do. it felt kinda callous, but i didn't know what else there was to do. i didn't feel like dwelling on it, because i never really dwell on anything if i can help it. so yeah... i went back to playing video games.
but when slippers died, i knew what to do. i cried. it's funny. i showed more emotion for a cat i never owned then i did for two people, one who i was related to and another who helped raise me into what i am today (the good parts anyway -- the bad parts i blame on you guys).
so yeah. that's kinda my thought for the day/week/however long i end up thinking about it. oh well, at least it's not religion this time, right guys?
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