2003-11-01 - 1:12 a.m.
i'm going to update again because i'm a stupid loser like that.
actually it's because i thought of some funny stories that i know i didn't tell most of you guys.
the first story, a real short one. probably only funny to me, but hey, fuck you guys. so i'm in the backroom at work, and i'm just fucking around (like usual... on company time). judah comes in the back with this hello kitty thing. it's the face on this cloth ring with velcro fasteners on the inside. i'm looking at it like "what the fuck is that?" and so he hands it to me and says "look what i got for you ryan, it's a cock ring." yeah, that was funny to me. i don't really give a shit if you guys don't think it's funny.
okay, so i do a little bit, but stay with me.
another story is...
on tuesday, i had this all planned out where i would shelve all the books for my sections with julie, because that was the only day we work together this whole week, actually, it was also the last day i worked this week too, so yeah. it kinda needed to be done. so, julie comes in to work and she's looking a little red, but hey, she's white. so we get the keys and start heading for the back. me, i'm just being a jerk like usual, yelling at char and laughing at everything i do because i crack myself up. julie, looks like shes out of it, so i tells her "jeez julie, you don't know how to have fun at work, do you?"
to which she replies "you don't even know the half of it. i was so hung over this morning."
oh.
so yeah... we're shelving books for about five, ten minutes and she says that shes going to the bathroom. i asked her "what? gonna throw up?"
"we'll see."
oh.
so i busy myself by shelving books (very slowly. what? i'm getting paid for it, might as well, right?). about fifteen minutes pass and shes still gone, so i ask oscar "hey, oscar. you seen julie?"
oscar, that fuck, responds, "what? am i on julie watch all of a sudden?" fucker... he's funny. but he's still a fucker. but i still like him. in a heterosexual way.
so i go back to shelving and after a total of about twenty minutes, i see her walking towards the front of the store with her lunch bag. i go up to her to find out whats going on.
"sorry ryan, i'm gonna go home. i feel really sick."
yeah, i could tell. her face was red and covered in a light layer of sweat plus she looked like she was sweating under her shirt too. she pretty much looked like she was ready to keel over. i wonder if shes still alive actually... she had to drive all the way to waipahu. then again, she did make it to the store in worse condition. hmm... i hope she didn't die. then i'd have to shelve all of the sections by myself. fuck. she better be fucking alive or i'll kill her myself. ...again...
time for another story.
erin t. and vaughn (you should be able to tell which erin t. it is by context, if you can't tell, tough shit for you) were in the store the other day. so i was talking to vaughn about how the air riflery season was going and erin was reading books for free (i should've asked her to see her library card she was standing there so long...). then judah comes over with the clipboard so i can write up one of my voids. "ryan, sign these. c'mon, hurry up my little korean honey bun." it was so random that it was just fucking hilarious. we both couldn't stop laughing.
there's linkin park playing in the background right now. i feel like shooting myself in the face. but at least it's not as bad as the music at kahala mall. oh my god, the song "sailing away" (you know, the one cartman sings) always makes me feel like committing suicide. like seriously. i so feel like just putting a gun under my jaw and pulling the trigger and blowing out my brains when i hear that song. i don't know what it is about that song, but i so fucking hate it.
what else... i told moses to come to work on halloween naked since it was also his last day. he said he liked the idea. and then he said that he would do it and he would tell people he's a garden hose.
good times at waldenbooks.
fuck waldenbooks.
and now, i was inspired by seeing one of bree's friends xanga pages (oh yeah, by the way, fuck xanga). at the end of every single fucking entry he has these questions that force you delve into the depths of your conscience, and possibly, subconscience. did i spell that right? i can't fucking tell. either way... here are my questions that will boggle your mind.
Question: Would you rather give an oreo or a chips ahoy cookie or a boot to the face of a diabetic? What if the dude was hyperglycemic? What if he was hypoglycemic? What if you didn't know but you still had to make a choice? you could either kill him, save his life, or just be fucking him up. What would you do?
in the words of Jeff Bridges in Speed, "Shoot the hostage."
i don't know what that has to do with anything, but i felt like putting it. so fuck off.
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