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2004-06-25 - 12:14 a.m.

i guess this is what jealousy feels like. i spent all day being angry-ish. it wasn't really anger, but it wasn't i don't know. i guess it was just that jealous feeling.

almost like being jilted. i really want to talk to panya girl so i can ask her about it and all. not angrily mind you, but just to get the whole story from someone other than richard.

and yeah... man, i'm all angry and jealous and sad and like a female. god dammit. i hate being a chick. this is the second time it's happened. stupid writing about punahou girl making all the things come up again.

y'know, i explained it to my classmates about why i was tentative about writing about punahou girl. it's like a bruise. you don't always notice that it's there, but when you touch it, it still hurts. like a cut heals and it doesn't always hurt if you touch it. now, granted bruises heal too, but they seem to last longer for me. okay, so it's a bad analogy, but yeah. fuck, i give up. nevermind.

i just want to beat the shit out of richard, but not really. i know he's doing it to keep me out of trouble, but god dammit, she should like me and i should break her heart... like tepanyaki girl, but not really. okay, so i don't want to hurt panya girl either, but i just feel jilted that she chose him over me.

gah.... fuck 'em all. i'm going to play madden till my eyes won't stay open.

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