2004-11-22 - 12:44 p.m.
These are two 400 and 500 word little things i wrote since my religion teacher said i should try my hand at sports column writing for the kaleo.
Ron Artest, NFL Tight End
Ron Artest is playing the wrong sport.
Eagles WR Terrell Owens (6�3� 226 lbs.) and Chiefs TE Tony Gonzalez (6�4� 248 lbs.) both dream of playing basketball. And both Colts TE Marcus Pollard (6�3� 247 lbs.) and Chargers TE Antonio Gates (6�4� 260 lbs.) entered the NFL as undrafted free agents after playing basketball instead of football in college. Owens is as dominant a receiver as there is in the NFL; Gonzalez is nearly unstoppable by anyone not named Champ Bailey; Pollard is an integral part of the entirely unstoppable Colts offense; and Gates is the first, second, and third read for QB Drew Brees in the red-zone.
But Ron Artest? C�mon, the guy is 6�7� and 246 lbs. He�s got good hands and quick feet. He�s undersized to be playing TE, but so was Anthony Crissinger-Hill (6�3� 205 lbs.) (anyone remember him from the UH season opener? I�m sure the Warriors do). But when we compare him with Terrell Owens, who�s known for his outstanding size and ability to outmuscle smaller cornerbacks, man, is Artest a monster or what?
Artest would be asked to do more than catch passes in the end zone, he�d also have to block on running plays. If you think Kellen Winslow (6�4� 250 lbs.) has a mean streak in him, I don�t know what you�d say Artest has.
Or if Artest doesn�t feel like playing offense, he could pull a Tony Akpan (6�7� 254 lbs.) and play DE. Kind of like what Winslow volunteered to do for the Browns before he broke his leg. Or, Artest could just play both ways. This way he gets to hit people as well as get the ball.
To further the argument that Artest belongs in the NFL, look no further than his suspension. Artest is going to be suspended for the rest of the season, 73 games. In those 73 games, Artest would�ve made $5.5 million. While I doubt he�d be able to match that with less than half the NFL season left, it�d at least allow him to recoup some of it
With all that said, I think Ron Artest, after he�s done with his obligatory suspension appeals process, should go try out for the Cleveland Browns. Even if he does become an undersized TE, he couldn�t possibly be any worse of a blocker than the rest of the O-line.
i wrote that one last night and this next one today.
Don�t let it end like this, Pedro
Hey, Pedro. We Red Sox fans love you. Sure we were down on you when you gave up three runs in the eight inning of the seventh game of the 2003 ALCS. But we blamed it on Grady Little for leaving you in. We also blamed it on Aaron f*@&ing Boone for hitting that walk-off home run.
And sure we were worried when you said that the Yankee�s were your (and therefore, our) daddy. But we stood up for you when MLB came out with a shirt mocking your statement. In game two of the ALCS, you didn�t do much to hold our confidence when you gave up that two-run homer. But we stuck by you, simply because our other starters were the beat up Curt Schilling, Bronson Arroyo (who?), and Derek Lowe. When you gave up four runs in game five, we overlooked it because, hey you guys won the game� in 14 innings. And when you came in as a reliever in game seven, we all held our breath. And when you gave up those two runs, we were screaming at you, Terry Francona, history, and the TV �Why?! Why are you doing this to us again?!� But when you started to throw 93-95 mph, we knew that you knew what you were doing. But still, we were happy to see the inning end and you off the mound.
And then you did something we knew you could do. You pitched seven innings. Seven scoreless innings. In game three of the World Series. You brought us within one game of rewriting 86 years of history. You became one of 25 messiahs to grace the earth, or at least the New England area.
But now you�re doing the unthinkable. Just like Anakin Skywalker, you�re being tempted by the Dark Side. How could you go down to Tampa Bay to meet the man responsible for so much of our heartache?
Sure Steinbrenner could offer you more money than any MLB team could. But we would offer you more than money. You�re already a hero in our hearts. Only a month ago those people were jeering you with chants of �Who�s your daaaaady?� while we stood behind you every pitch of the way (okay, maybe not every pitch). And yeah, New York could offer you fame and fortune in the eyes of the media, but you�d also have to contend with that Jeter, A-Rod, Sheffield, Giambi, and Rivera; and that�s just the guys who play for the Yankees. At least in New England, the only guys you really have to contend with outside of the Red Sox organization are Tom Brady, Ben Affleck, and Matt Damon.
So Pedro, please. We love you like a favored son. We love you so much that if it is more money you want, we�ll let you go on good terms. But if you choose to leave us to go to the Yankees, I don�t know if I could ever love you again.
give me some feedback. i always like feedback. tell me it sucks, but tell me why and what to change. and if you don't understand sports, then let me know what parts you don't understand so i can try make it more reader friendly.
god i miss writting for fun.
�
�
