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2007-06-27 - 2:07 a.m.

huh... two nights in a row. who'da thought that i'd be doing this two nights in a row. in case you didn't catch that, that's me hinting to anyone reading that i have another update since you might've last seen this.

my inventory is tomorrow/today night. i'm really apprehensive about it because this could be a make or break night for me.

if we do well, we stay off impact. "impact" being a really really bad. it means we're a high shrink store. for those of you unfamiliar with the phrase shrink, it's pretty much anything thats a loss in profit. so impact, like i said, is a bad thing.

want to know how apprehensive i am about it? smoked almost the whole pack today. i've got a bad habit going...

and what's making things a helluva lot harder to deal with is that i'm having a hard time dealing with carlie. she's having bf problems and honestly i think she ought to break up with him. but at the same time i'm not sure if it's because i'm unhappy and i hate everyone and want them to be unhappy just like me.

it's really difficult trying to tell someone to break up when all you want to do is be with someone. not quite anyone, i haven't hit rock bottom yet. but i do wish i had someone to validate my time. otherwise, work is my girlfriend and that's really pathetic.

i hate being lonely like this.

i think i'm the kind of asshole who always needs to be in a relationship to be happy. i'm not even sure it needs to be a good relationship. i'm just lonely i guess...

there's this girl at the sushi man in my shopping center. she's cute. i think she's a 5 though at best right now. she could get a lot cuter or she could go down hill. i think she's kinda interested in me, but she seems like she really hates that i smoke.

the first time i walked in there after smoking she asked if i was smoking and she seemed a little down when i admited that i had. and then when i walked in there the other day after smoking she barely even looked at me. it's kinda sad for me because i kinda like her and i wish i could ask her to do something.

well, i did ask her once. i was working a split day so i was going to go see a movie with nick. i asked her what she was doing, but she was working when i was going to go... so yeah... my one attempt was no good. i at least got up the nerve to ask her name, ka young (yeung?). i don't think she's japanese by the way... yeah... i feel like a pussy. i should really give up smoking so i can date some fob chick that wouldn't understand what i'm saying...

i need to stop smoking and meet a girl... not necessarily in that order.

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