2007-07-10 - 9:53 p.m.
today i found myself muttering:
"all i wanted to do was take a few days off... take some vacation and just relax... lock myself in a hotel room without any tv or radio... just me and a good book and dhyani... as soon as chad gets back that's all i wanted to do... but nooooo... tedd has to get in trouble and quit... chad has to tell me he's gonna quit/turn into a real army man... fuck..."
i honestly just wanted to be bored for a few days.
just me and dhayni in what i felt would be good for our relationship. some quality time together where we could get closer again. nope...
first tedd gets in trouble... then chad comes back and tells me he wants out... then tedd quits... then me and dhyani break up... then chad quits...
next thing i know, i'm in charge of the store. i've got to train a new ASM in a matter of days. i really don't know what i'm doing with myself at this point... dave tells me he's going to school and that he needs to cut down on his hours... dammit all...
and now i'm getting ready to hire a new ASM so there's even more time i can't take a few days of vacation. fuck...
i still just want to be bored for a few days. i don't even need to go out with people. i honestly just want to sit on a balcony above the beach and listen to the water, look at the horizon, read a good book, you get the idea... no tv. honestly. no tv. tv would make me feel like i'm still at home. i really just want to lock myself in a room. i'd even order room service so i don't have to leave the room. just a couple of days to decompress from society. i don't even know that i'd take my phone with me. fuck all i'd say... and i'd mean it too.
i made myself sad... again...
i wonder if blane can tell that i'm losing my edge a little bit. there's times where it seems he's a bit concerned that i'm kinda feeling a bit burned out... 'cause i am. and i think i've said that a bunch of times.
i wonder if i make myself feel like this because i'm a drama queen and need to feel like i've got something working against me all the time...
oh well, at least blane gave me the green light to hire sarah. yay...
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