2007-08-17 - 12:55 a.m.
I just said in an email that I think my grandpa will die soon now that my grandma is dead.
that must sound entirely terrible. but it's my honest thought. you know how when old people have a pet, and then the old person dies, the pet goes into this terrible funk and then they die too? it's not that i'm comparring my grandpa to a pet dog, it's just... that's my reasoning.
my mom asked me to give the "thank you" speech at the funeral. I really don't know what to say... at all...
I just finished reading "quiet strength" and the chapter about how coach dungy dealt with the death of his son really made me respect him even more. his internal strength is so immense... it's just... amazing. he's so strong because of his conviction in his religion, it's amazing.
at work, it seems like everyone hates reid even more and more. even his friends might be turning on him because of his attitude towards the world around him. I know I say I'm a diva and a prima donna and this and that, but him... yeesh. he's actually one. last night he called me asking what time he worked today and when I told him, he asked if he could move his shift. Man... I got so angry... last week he asked me if I could work the schedule so that he could work only on thursday and friday, those two days specific... and this week he's telling me he wants to move them? but, because of the kind of manager I am, I actually looked at it and tried to figure out if it could be done. I didn't look very long, but I did, and I couldn't make the moves. why? well, partially because if I did, I wouldn't have much of any time off, and I'm so not having that. I wanted to take today off, and if I moved him from his shift today, then I would've had to work today, and that's so not happening. second, I'm sick of doing favors for him because I know exactly how this is going to turn out. he did the same thing to judah last year in school, and that was absolute bullshit. I'm not going to let that happen to me. So I called reid back and I told him "No. I can't make the changes." his response was silence and then finally "why not?" like he couldn't believe the world didn't revolve around him. so I gave him a very brief reason why and I told him, "Either you show up tomorrow, or you turn in your keys." that was it. I think he got mad at me, but I didn't give a shit. well, I lied, I do care because if he gets mad at me, especially for a reason like this, it's going to make me VERY mad... which it has because I know him and I know he's mad at me. I really don't know why I put up with shit like this... it's not very managerial of me.
today, I was making the schedule for next week (on my day off, mind you) and I was ready to rip my hair out because of reid. I don't know his availability and it's destroying my ability to create a schedule.
and sarah agrees with me about all of this too. she's mad at him because she understands how difficult this is. and it's terrible for me because I'm trying to keep her schedule from being too prohibitive of her being able to have a life outside of work. I want more 20-somethings instead of college freshmen...
god though, sarah's wonderful because she totally gets me. she understands all the shit I do for the staff more than anyone else on the roster. I don't want anyone there to be able to say they work harder than I do. I guess it's because I'm more of a lead by example kind of guy than anything else, I don't know how to delegate. But that's why I hired sarah, and I told her that today, I'm more of a hands-off leader and she's more of a hands-on type and this way we complement each other well. there's going to be an adjustment period for the rest of the team, but they'll get there, if not, then well, we'll get there without them.
speaking of which, alan pissed me off yesterday, and I know he made sarah angry too. he was hanging out after his shift, which is fine by me, but when sarah told him to get out from behind the cashwrap, he wouldn't listen to her. she started to get angry, and I told him that if I were him, I'd listen to her. I kept saying that she has all the authority to tell him to leave the store, and he wouldn't listen. and the whole time, I started thinking, wow... this is scary... alan once told me "sarah thinks she can tell me what to do..." and I told him that she can tell him what to do because she's my assistant. but I guess the message didn't get through. sarah's worried that he won't listen to her because she's a girl and I'm beginning to wonder the same thing... I'm not going to have any of that. I've already dealt with devin needing to adjust to sarah's leadership styles and I guess I'm going to have to deal with it with alan too. I think koji's got the best understanding of how things work oddly enough. koji knows his role here, and I appreciate that. alan... god I'm going to have to kick his ass or something...
and reid... I don't even know that he even listens to me anymore, and sarah's unsure about whether or not he'll listen to her too.
where's the reasoning? well, even after everything last night, he asked me if I could move the schedule to better accomodate him this week... so being the push over that I am, I did because... I'm a fucking moron. anyway, after I did that, I told him I need a concrete schedule because I'm not going to keep doing this for him. I told him (very angrily) that I know he did this last year to Judah and that I wasn't going to have any of it... AT ALL. I swear to god, all I got from him was what seemed like "yeah yeah yeah... shut the fuck up already..." I should talk to Blane about this...
I've got devin lined up to replace reid, but I don't know that devin has what it takes to be a shift leader. I don't know that the rest of my staff respects him enough to follow his commands. granted, everyone pretty much knows their jobs at this point, and blah blah blah, but grah... I need more GAs.
I don't want to be in charge sometimes...
I hung out with randi today too. we met at kahala mall, she bought a backpack, I bought a bunch of CD's and a book. we're friends now I guess. I mean, I've already known that, but I think the level of wierdness is dissapearing. it sure isn't that way with dhyani for me. I'm not going to call her for a while I think. I'm... awkward I guess. Like, I realize we're not in love anymore and I realize that I don't think she was a good gf for me. But, when I last saw her, I got butterflies because I'm still attracted to her and I still want to be intimate with her because it's in my nature to want to be with someone.
speaking of being with someone... this is very chain-of-thought, isn't it?... this new girl at starbucks who donna this is really good looking and wants me to hit on apparently has a bf. not much intrigue there. but I just thought it was kinda funny because that very morning that me and donna were talking about it, she came into the store for the first time that I'd ever noticed her in there, and I already knew what she wanted, a DS Lite and Animal Crossing; because everyone at starbucks plays that game on that system. hell, even candace (another employee at starbucks), came in that day talking about how I knew what she was looking at before she even said anything. and then cherie and that other girl that works there came in saying that the new girl (i think her name is alana) was hot and that she needs to be saved from her super-white alaskan bf. I don't think I'm the guy to save her though. just looking at her I knew I wasn't her type of guy. I told donna that, but I think she's just worried that I say that about every girl. It's not true. I know what kind of girl likes me already. I prey on them because I hate being turned down.
...which leads me to the next part of this story... ka young/yeung is oddly enough making me feel uncomfortable. I think I've already said that she told me I need to cut my hair (giving me fashion tips)... and then the other day I went in to buy a soda and there was a new lady at the register and so one of the owners came out I guess just to watch her do her job and then she called ka young/yeung out for no other reason than just to say "hi" to me. ugh... she's a nice girl and everything, but I just don't know that we're meant to be dating. it's so awkward... oh yeah, plus she told me that I should work less (presumably so that I'd have more free time to go out with her). guh...
oh, and when I told donna about the starbucks girl, it seemed like she was a little bit more dissapointed than I should've been.
I was teasing donna that she only wanted me to date her so she could get the free pound of coffee every month.
�
�
