2007-08-21 - 11:45 p.m.
i got really really sad today... sarah's bf's roommate called her today and after i made some wise ass comment, the guy told sarah that i probably needed to get laid... and she told me that. it made me sad. like, really really sad.
this is getting rediculous...
the past week or so i haven't been thinking about it... michelle sent me an email and one of the things she said was for me to not to worry about it. and to be honest, it worked. her telling me not to worry about it and just let things be helped. i hadn't concerned myself with it since until today.
for some reason or another that guy saying it just killed me.
yeah yeah yeah, i know people would say "yeah yeah, he doesn't even know you, so how can he even say such a thing?" and that's what bothers me about it so much. he doesn't know me but he's the third guy to say it since me and dhyani broke up. is it that apparent? god... i hate myself.
i don't feel like i come off like i need to get laid... i hope i don't.
donna tells me that i'm handsome and stuff... i want to believe her because, well, i don't have anyone else complimenting me; especially like that. why don't i really believe her? well it's because she's got two kids who can't be any older than 7 or 8 so she's probably used to talking like that to her kids too. that's probably not giving her enough credit in that she can figure out how to talk to adults, but i'm sure it's part of the reason at least.
she's really all i got going for me. and the funny thing is, i'm not even attracted to her anymore than sexually. she's like a friend now. like i don't think i'd want to date her (and that has nothing to do with her age, it's just who she is). i think i really like her though because we're so alike... like really damn alike. we were talking the other morning and she was explaining to me how shitty she felt being in a shitty relationship and then being single, and it was exactly how i felt. you're unhappy with the feeling of being in a shitty relationship because it makes you feel like crap, but then, when you're single, you miss that comfort of just knowing someone is there for you to turn to, even if they make you feel shitty, otherwise. that was exactly how i felt with dhyani; and it was how donna described being with david. we both agreed that being single was such a shitty thing, but that jumping back into a relationship right away wasn't exactly a smart idea either.
but i think that's about where the similarities end between us. she's all grown up and mature and had lifes experiences... she's... a little intimidating too because she's got all these life's experiences, and the money... well, not that it matters because i'll never even have a chance to date her at all...
the girl that was working at the blockbuster tonight was kinda cute. well, not really. she's not that good looking, but she's got a cute smile, and i think she's a girl that i might have a shot at. i think that's a terrible reason for me to shoot for a girl: because i think she's not going to turn me down. i shouldn't ask her out because of that. not like i would in the first place because i just don't have the balls to do it.
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