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2007-09-27 - 11:37 p.m.

So, last night, i was feeling pretty shitty...

the night before, just as i'm reaching my off ramp, i feel a strong shudder in the steering wheel and that thu-dump thu-dump thu-dump sound... i had a fucking flat tire. so i pull over infront of carlie's house because it's closer than my building and when i look at my tire, the whole thing is fucking shreded. the steel belt is showing and all. so, after a shitty day at work because of underwhelming numbers following the release of halo 3, i've got a flat tire too. so, after some time dealing with that, i finally get the tire on, and carlie takes me out for a late coffee.

the following day, i take my car in to sears because i gave myself a short day so i could recover from two long halo 3 launch days. i orginally intended to just relax, but with a flat tire, i had to take it in to sears. when i got there, the guy said that i actually needed four tires and an alignment fix. let me put it this way. ala moana can be a really shitty mall when you've already spent a whole weeks pay before you even started and you need to be there for two whole hours. after an hour and a half of walking around, i couldn't avoid it and i ended up in gamestop. i wanted to avoid going in at all costs, but i completely ran out of stores to walk into alone. i wanted to stay annonymous, but i couldn't help it when i found super troopers on UMD. i ended up talking to one of the ASM's Bree, until Rich came in and then Sears called telling me that my car was ready.

so, two hours and $513 later... i was on my way home in a shitty mood.

later that day, at work, i got a call from blane who had stopped by earlier to pick up something for kahala. anyway, he wasn't pleased with how things had progressed since his last visit i guess. one of the issues was sarah's progression. i know i haven't been pleased entirely with her, but i thought i could hide it by working extra hard. i guess i was wrong. anyway, blane had a talk with me where i was just compeltely full of self-doubt and a complete lack of confidence that usually highlights my conversations with the boss.

anyway... blane says that he's going to be spending more time at the store now, i guess because he'll be on this side more often with a new SM at kahala too.

so yeah... i had a shitty shitty day. shitty numbers and a lecture from the boss.

anyway, i ended up at D&B with carlie and her friends/people she just met. i drank and then left right away. driving drunk is scary and eating jack-in-the-box is great.

but yeah... it was a shitty shitty day for me. and then this morning wasn't great either. two beer shits and a hang over were how i dealt with work this morning.

not to mention the fight i had with carlie.

her ex's dad is dying and she sent him an email to find out how he was doing. somthing about the email made her feel like shit, but when she told me what he sent her, i couldn't see why it was like that. so i started to tell her to stop being selfish and stop feeling sorry for herself. she got pissed off at that, and hung up on me so i yelled "fuck you" into my cellphone infront of starbucks and had coffee with donna and deneen.

i fucking hate what my life is sometimes. it feels like i'm dealing with other people's dramas more than my own sometimes. and when i deal with my own dramas, i just feel like i can't do anything to help myself right. i even had to ask blane what i do do well as a manager. the answers he gave seemed like bullshit. he said that i put together a good team and that i work hard. it feels like bullshit because i'm not entirely confident in my team anymore and i only work hard because i don't work smart. blane said that that's something that happens to a lot of young store managers. but i still feel like i should be better at this than i am. i know i can do better, but i just don't. this is where the self-doubt really begins to fly. am i really as good as i think i am? does my staff like me because i'm not a boss to them as much as a friend that tells them what to do? am i just lucky most of the time? fuck...

at least i found out bree from ala moana is single. i kinda want to ask her out, but i don't know if rich would appreciate that. i'll ask him first. she's cute, but not hot. like a five maybe. i don't know what it is, but i guess i have a thing for fives. and i guess the thing about bree is that she seemed like she was glad to have seen me when i came in on wednesday. plus, she won't judge me for working at gamestop.

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