2007-10-08 - 1:41 a.m.
i'm so confused right now...
earlier this afternoon i wasn't confused, but now i so am.
so, on friday night, after me and rich had our talk where he crushed me, i also talked to donna. donna essentially told me to hear it from the horses mouth. what donna wanted me to do was find out from bre herself if she wanted to be friends or if she was so weirded out by what had happened that she didn't want to be anything other than peers.
donna and i developed a gameplan where i would wait till saturday to ask her if she wanted to do something on sunday, my day off. if she did, then well, i might still have a shot at at least being friends. if she didn't want to do anything, then, let it go and move on with my life.
on saturday, after a huge day in college football btw [Stanford 24 (2)USC 23], after the UH football game i called bre and left a voice mail "hey, i got tomorrow (sunday) off, call me if you want to do anything." perhaps i left it a little too open, but donna and i agreed that the best thing to do would be to continue to play non-challance and especially like i hadn't talked to rich and didn't know that she was freaking out.
well, that message was left at 930. when she hadn't called me back by 11 pm, i kinda figured that she was just ignoring me, but i held out hope that maybe she was in a movie or something. when she didn't call by 1130, then i just gave up hope. oh well, so this is how the world ends? not with a bang, but with a whimper. i don't even know who said that or what the context is, but it feels kind of appropriate.
anyway... so sunday i spent watching football and talking to donna and rich. what my conversations boiled down to were that donna feels like it's bre's loss that she doesn't want to talk to me, and i feel the same way. i hate to say that because it feels kind of arrogant, but i honestly think i can make a girl happy. my conversation with rich on the other hand was more about him thinking i should date donna. i've said it before and i'm going to continue to say it: the reason why donna likes me so much, why she appreciates my friendship so much is because i must be one of the few guys who doesn't start off as a friend and end up tring to fuck her. and i'm not going to betray that friendship either. donna's one of my best friends now, especially because me and carlie seem to have fallen out. but that's a whole 'nother story that i just don't want to get into.
that one actually leaves me feeling a little angry.
but anyway...
i went to the courts to goof off with oki and kim guys. we played a little tennis and threw the football around when nick got there. i think i pissed off at least one of kim's friends. not that i really give a shit because the guy seems like a prick anyway. anyway, while we were there, i ended up texting three different ways: donna, rich, and bre(??!!?!).
rich was texting me about trying to go after donna, donna was texting me about rich, donna, and me all meeting on friday, and bre was texting me about i don't know what.
bre texted me "hey sorry about last night" and man was i glad i had nick there otherwise i wouldn't have known what to say. i ended up texting her back "don't worry about it." i figure that's short, but not too curt. it doesn't show my hand too much if i'm angry or hurt or happy that she's talking to me again. she ended up texting me a little more, basically small talk stuff and i ended it by just not responding to a final message that didn't need to be responded too. i guess it's kinda me taking control of the situation because i guess i left too much of it in her hands.
anyway, i talked to both rich and donna after i was done texting with bre. donna was happy with how the situation turned out, but rich is now taking himself out of the situation. he's also concerned that i'm going too much into this. he's afraid that i fell for bre waaaaay too quickly and that i went waaaaay too far the other way when she freaked out. donna had the same concern too on friday. she said that i've got to guard my heart a little more, but i didn't realize it until she said that but i guess i want to love someone. (that was a grammatically horrible sentence by the way and i know that).
but now that bre's talking to me (sorta) again, i'm not sure where to go with this. do i even try to go out with her again as friends? what are her intentions? did she text me because she was feeling guilty about shafting me completely? if she's only doing it out of a guilty conscience, then why should i waste my time with someone who doesn't want to be my friend? or is she doing it because she thinks she might be changing her mind about me? i mean, i have no doubt that she truly enjoyed her time with me because i felt we had a great, GREAT, night on tuesday. and i totally don't know how she couldn't have seen the signs that i was totally digging on her that night too. regardless of tuesday night... i don't know what to do anymore really. i think i need to talk to her though and iron things out. but would she even go out with me again to talk one-on-one? i don't want to go in there guns blazing "we need to talk, right now." that would put her on the defensive and she'd hate me. but i also can't make it seem like i'm trying to ask her out on another date because well, then she'd say no. i'm thinking lunch would be good. too bad i can't do lunch because i work monday-to-friday, and saturday, well... that's god's day for college football. kinda like how sunday is god's day for pro football, and monday night is god's day for monday night football.
fuck girls... they're all assholes... why do they have to be so awesome?
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