2007-10-16 - 11:10 p.m.
holy crap are things shittier than ever.
both rich and donna are in my ears right now. well, not at this exact moment, but they're both talking to me about each other and it's terrible!
rich is all in love with donna. not love-love, but like-love. donna on the other hand is all concerned that he's too into her right now. donna doesn't think it's such a good thing for her to get involved in ANYTHING because there's too many different things going on in her life. she's got the kids, the divorce, other guys trying to fuck her, friends who want to hang out with her... you get the idea. it's kinda insane in her little world.
gahh...
rich keeps talking to me about how he thinks donna's the most wonderful person in the world right up there with his dead-ex-girlfriend.
donna keeps telling me that while she isn't pushing rich away yet, it's still a little uncomfortable with the way in which he's going about it.
it's a really uncomfortable situation because i want to help the both of them because they're both my friends and i just don't think it's a good idea for rich to even be trying right now.
why?
because donna isn't really looking right now, and rich isn't really listening to me right now.
i know exactly what's going on in the both of their minds right now.
rich thinks he can convince donna that he's the right guy and this could be the right time.
donna knows getting into a relationship right now isn't a good idea and is worried that rich is going to get hurt.
argh!!!
and all of this has to be coming at a time in which i'm having a drama of my own...
that bre chick? driving me fucking batty...
btw... this is a different bre than from years past. that one a long ass time ago was "bree" with two "e"'s.
anyway...
remember how the first time i went out with bre, i thought it was a date pretty much and then i found out it wasn't? well, i went out with her again and it went even better than the first time.
on tuesday last week i called ala moana for a customer and she answered so, seizing the moment i asked her "hey, you busy on thursday night?" all non-challantly like donna said would be best. she responded that she'd have to watch her sister's kids that night so i told her "oh, that's too bad. i've got an extra ticket to the laker game. i was just wondering if you wanted to go." i eventually told her that if she found someone else to watch them, then to let me know because i might still have them available.
so, i ended up asking randi who declined because she needed to study, i asked justin if i could ask kristine who had to work concessions and would already be there, and donna who had to watch her kiddies. that would make me 0-for-3.5 (kristine is a .5 because i didn't really get a chance to ask). but regardless... i was batting .000
then, on thursday at my quarterly bi-district meeting, bre texted me that she could go. yay! so i spent the afternoon trying to figure it all out and yada yada yada... so bre comes by my house after work, drops off her car and off we go to the stan sherriff to watch the game. the laker game was fun because well, it's a live sporting event and the company was great. everything was going awesome. during halftime the girls from drill team hawaii came on and when the little tiny ones came out, bre leaned in to point out how cute they were and our shoulders made contact and she just stayed there. after the game, bre and i went to go eat dinner just the two of us because no one else wanted to come out. we decided on jack-in-the-box and came back to my house to eat, chill, and meet maile.
anyway, the three of us, (actually two since maile ditched us... like the kitty she is... and by kitty i mean cat) ate and watched "Grandma's Boy." well, i watched most of it and bre passed out in parts of it.
after the movie ended, bre decided it was time to go home, so i walked her down and as she was getting into her car, she turned to me and said "this was fun, we should definately do it again."
after she left, talking to no one in particular, i said: "i am so confused." why? because i'd been told that bre wasn't interested, but to me, it felt like she was interested, or at least getting there.
and then, on the drive home, she called me at some point to talk to me so that she would stay awake. another sign? possibly!
and then, the following day, donna, rich and i hung out at kahala mall in the morning before i started work.
anyway, donna and rich agreed that bre was definately sending me signs.
so, i spent the rest of the day in a perpetual high. well, except for the part at the end of the day when rich brought me crashing back down...
he called me up after work to go eat and talk.
he told me that bre had told her friends who also know rich that thursday night was just a friends thing and that i was nothing more to her than a friend. so much for all those signs, huh? the prolonged shoulder contact? coincidental i guess. the jack's at my house? friendly dinner. the passing out on my floor? she just feels comfortable around me. the phone call after on the drive home? didn't want to pass out.
i fucking give up... i was so depressed when he told me that that i couldn't even eat. it was the worst i'd felt in a long ass time. like, almost as bad as when me and dhyani started to fall apart... i don't know what was worse actually.
when it comes to this, i don't know if it's bre the person, or bre the concept. by concept, i mean she represents the fact that there's a girl i can really like after all. i haven't met anyone i've liked since... i first met dhyani? since randi? god...
ka young/yeung, candace, alia... none of them meant anything more than one night out. bre? first time i met a girl i wanted to go out with again.
god...
i don't want to say bre's the reason i cut my hair, but she was part of the reason. i wanted to cut my hair already, but at the same time, she was also the catalyst... i needed to let go of the two weeks previous.
and today... i woke up feeling like... i don't know what to think anymore. i want to try, but at the same time, i want to say "why the fuck would i when i already know what's going to happen?" it's just going to hurt more than anything else when she tells me she's not interested and then i'll just have to pretend that she's dead. kinda like i'm doing with dhyani right now. fuck all of this shit... there's other shit to concern myself with like my job...
sarah's like the shittiest ASM ever...but that's neither here nor there. my biggest issue with work is that i've almost stopped giving a fuck. i hit a wall that couldn't have happened at a worse time. we've got the Regional DM and his lieutenant on their way into hawaii next week and i'm about a week behind in prep... and instead of using the best day, sunday, to prep my store, i'm going to be doing my thing at ala moana to help rich out. that might piss off blane, but honestly, i don't give much of a shit either. if i don't pass, i don't pass. besides, he's probably more interested in rich's store than mine. he's only visiting mine because he'll be here for once... fuckit...
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