2008-04-06 - 11:57 p.m.
yesterday ended better than it should've for me.
that's not saying much.
after work, which went by okay enough, i went to ala moana to meet up with donna and her kids. they were at the food court eating dinner and i was there to meet coach nate to give him a game his son wanted. so, after i got coach's son his game and donna and the two brats (and i say that with nothing but love) finished dinner the four of us treked up-stairs to see if dana was working. it was more like i convinced them, and then just as i was chickening out, donna convinced me to go in and say hi. anyway, so while the brats were finishing up their ice cream i was trying to psyche myself up and calm myself down (yes, at the same time) to go in there and not make an ass of myself. so we walked in and donna took the kids off to one side of the store while i tried to talk to dana. as soon as i got in there, i got the feeling like she didn't really want to see me. i found out why a few minutes later.
while i was standing by the three of them, i saw dana run out from the back and run up to some dude who was taller, in better shape, and better looking than me and hug him. our party left the disney store just ahead of dana and her bf holding hands as she waved bye to me.
man, talk about crushed...
i don't even know why i let it get to me. it's not like i had anything to connect with her aside from having a five year crush on her and helping her get something during christmas. i guess it's like what donna once told me; i fall in love really easily which leads to me getting hurt. she also said that it's what makes my relationships that much more deep too. when i meet the right one, it'll be great, but until then, it's just going to hurt a lot. i guess it's worth it though because i'd like to think i have quality relationships.
i think donna could tell that i wasn't feeling well about it afterwards because she was trying to tell me things like i deserve better than some chick who works at the disney store, but i didn't really want to hear it because well... this is the girl who used to give me butterflies. i used to smile when i would just think about her. god... it really hurt when we walked out of there. i tried to keep it all good though because i was still with the brats. the four of us went to sketchers after and they got a bunch of stuff from there, so i entertained one while the other was trying on shoes and sandals and slippers and whatever else people wear on their feet. i don't think they understood how bad i felt. i felt really shitty when we parted ways for the night. i went to safeway and decided i wanted to make a sandwhich so i was walking around for a while searching for stuff because i just don't know how to shop. i think i walked out of there with bread, two types of ham, cheese, chips, yogurt (for breakfast), and beer. i bought two bottles of kirin which has now become my favorite beer. stella is yesterday's news (i say that as i'm finishing off a bottle). i wish i didn't drink fucking expensive beer...
but anyway, i went home, half feeling really sad, the other half hating myself for letting myself be that way in the first place. i made myself a ham and cheese sandwhich, a bowl of chips, and a big ass bottle of beer. after finishing all of it i passed the fuck out. i felt better than i rightfully should've becaue i was straight crushed by dana having a bf.
i don't know what it was... i had a feeling she had a bf; she hadn't called me since i gave her my number that one night; i basically knew she didn't have a thing for me. and yet i let myself get excited about seeing her. donna said i was giddy as we were waiting to go into the disney store. i don't know... i guess i just like girls even if i know better.
but, yeah... i guess this chapter is closed. i'm running out of girls to pine for...
1) i closed the door on carlie because she wasn't good for me. i liked her, but she said she could never look at me that way.
2) candace and i are just plain incompatible.
3) i wouldn't be able to hold any type of meaningful conversation with alia. although donna full on believes she's got the hots for me.
4) ka young/yeung and i don't have anything in common.
so who's left? well, there's the girl at the coffee shop who has a bf. there's that girl that reid knows that goes to USC. umm... that's about all i can think of. i'm just out of luck for the time being i think.
fuck, why did dana have to be so evasive about answering whether or not she had a bf? if she had just been more forthright, it'd have saved me that much more heartache over nothing. but you know, i've got no one to blame but myself. i know better than to let myself get like that, but i do it anyway becaue i'm fucking retarded.
like coffee girl, i know she has a bf, and i know i'm not her type. and yet, i like to go in there and see her anyway. i get a little tingly in my hands and behind my ears thinking about her (or maybe that's the stella talking). i don't know what it is about me. maybe i'm just a glutton for pain. well, we'll see how i act tomorrow if coffee girl is working.
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