2008-10-21 - 11:56 p.m.
so guess what? i didn't have to see alia this morning after all.
it turns out she has a stomach flu. or at least that's what she told me today. i tried to be an ass when she told me, i didn't ask how she was doing or anything, i just made it seem like it was a chore to talk to her, or at least i tried to anyway. but by the end of the conversation, even though i was coming off like i didn't give a damn, i felt like a jerk. she even called me to ask about the rock band stuff that daniel dropped off, and she sounded so horrible and all i said was "you sound like shit."
god damn....
anyway, so after work, i was planning on dropping off the stuff at her house but she told me she was at the hospital. on a whim, i went to foodland, bought her a card and some pink carnations and i went to her house to drop it off all incognito to her, but when i got there, i saw her and her mom's car still in the parking lot. i'll be honest, i got concerned that she might've been lying to me, like maybe she was out with someone and didn't want to tell me and so she was lying to me. i don't know why i let that kind of thing come to mind, but it's not fair to her. i told myself to stfu, but i don't know if i can actually deal with it.
...especially since i started drinking again.
god, i really don't know what to do with myself.
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