2009-05-08 - 10:44 p.m.
i feel like writing a letter to alia, but i know it's not a good idea, so i'll just write it in here... spelling and gramatical errors and all...
first off, i'm missing the first season of entourage. you gave me back season's two through four, but i'm missing season one. you also said you'd give me back my jacket, but whatevers on that.
what i didn't expect to get back was the presents i gave you for christmas. i didn't want those back. those were things i bought for you. the ipod's dead because you stopped using it once alex bought you the iphone. the yo-yo probably hasn't left the box since that night either, and the dvd isn't even open. none of that matters to me anymore. i don't even want any of that shit because it's going to remind me of you.
speaking of reminders, even the photo album never got used because it never left the box because we never did anything other than hang out at your house. but that's something else entirely.
i don't understand why you say you want to be friends with me either, but you're afraid to face me. you hide from my glance, you avoid me more than i avoid you. for someone who fronts so much strength, you sure do shy away from me.
you make it seem like its because you're pissed at me, but you just want me to think that i should feel sorry for making you angry, because that's my normal reaction. it's not going to work this time. i don't feel sorry if you're angry at me. i don't feel sorry about anything at all between us. all i want from you is my stuff back and closure.
i will admit i miss you at times, times like tonight when my car wasn't working and after a long fucking emotionally draining day i miss you. when you did care, when you did give a shit about things, it made me feel nice to know that i had someone who cared enough about shit that was important to me that was there for me. but what drove me fucking insane was that you didn't care sometimes; and when you didn't care you really didn't give a shit about anything, including those of us who cared about you always. you thought that you'd always have people there for you, no matter what you did. suprise. sometimes people leave you. you can think it makes us the villians, and you may be right, but only in your head. those of us on the outside, we believe otherwise. i don't feel guilty that i might not be there for you. grow up and realize that sometimes you need to get yourself out of the jams you create.
if you grew up and you gave a shit more and you stopped being so fucking flaky i would take you back. the part of you that was mature and cared about things and would follow through with what was important, thats the alia i fell for, not the one that goes hot and cold about everything. that's the alia i didn't care for before and i don't know where you are now.
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