2009-06-16 - 10:58 p.m.
today was one of those days where things just ended nicely. it probably won't seem like it ended nicely after a while when i've had time to let things ruin themselves in my head, but i'll enjoy it for the time being.
so the day started off poorly when i didn't budget myself enough time at work to get all of my morning stuff done because gabe and jon didn't get their shit done last night. that set me off on the wrong foot. then erika came in and it was busy. it was nice having her there for the time that there wasn't anyone in the store when we could just talk, but i know i could've been a lot more productive if she weren't there. that's one of my weaknesses; i enjoy working with her so much that i don't actually work. she's what gabe and puddy are to each other.
and then hurricane blane came through.
i got my ass reamed for about an hour from the boss because of stupid ticky-tacky shit that i should've had done but i just waited for it to do itself. it's not like any of that stuff went unnoticed by me, i see everything that needs to be changed every time, it's just that i'm lazy about getting things done.
and then blane got pissed at me because of the same thing he always get's pissed off at me about: i don't let him know when i need help. it's something that always happens. he comes in and gives me a stern talking to about how i need to let him know that i need things done on his end for me to more effectively do my job. i don't know... it's just that i don't like asking ANYONE for help. E-V-E-R. it's only when i'm at my absolute weakest that i ever ask for help. i'd rather fail sometimes than ask for help i think.
i don't know, maybe to me, if i fail then it gives me something to work towards. doing too well leaves me feeling uncomfortable. i feel like i have a target on my back, i feel like more stress to keep things going well, i feel like i don't have anything more to work towards, like i don't have a chip on my shoulder.
but after hurricane blane blew through i was pretty shaken. i kinda let my anger get the best of me when i called gabe and gave him a one minute chewing out about something stupid he and puddy did, and then i left an angry voice mail with puddy about the same thing. and then i went to city mill to get a bag of comfort-skittles... which i promptly spilled and then angrily kicked across the parking lot before i even got to enjoy one. i wasn't the same after that. all i was focused on was going running by that point.
running is my escape from everything that pisses me off, everything that makes me scared, everything that i hate about the world, my life, myself... plus i got to go running with erika.
sexy!
honestly though, even if she wasn't running with me, i'd have been looking forward to go running anyway. i just love running now. running is my shit now.
but anyway, i admit it, erika is so hella attractive. it's so much fun talking to her because she's smart enough to keep up with me (and not everyone is sad to say). i don't think we have anything in common. she likes the type of video games i don't play. she likes the type of books i hate. she listens to the kind of music i used to. she's smart in the ways i'm not. we have nothing in common and yet i know i'm falling for her. she makes me genuinely smile. not like, the goofy ass smile i put on for the girls at starbucks or where ever, but like a "i can't help but" smile.
anyways...
our run wasn't as hard as i hoped it'd be. she challenged me in terms of speed, but the endurance part i think i'd have killed her. she could probably smoke me in a dead sprint, but if we were just jogging, once we hit mile 1+ (the point after we pass the first mile, but it's not quite far enough into that mile to start considering it two miles) that's when i started getting my lungs and legs and running started getting easier. that's also about where she started getting tired. we stopped to walk during which i think i lost something in my stride, and she started pacing us faster. plus she ended the run a little earlier than i would've too, but oh well, we're supposed to go run again on thursday so maybe i can push her a little farther.
but it was a good run i guess just because we did something together not work related, but not even close to a date. that's what scares me, i'm going to ask her out. i need to make sure i keep this thing professional and nothing more than friendly at most. i'm so going to shoot myself in the foot.
she's so sexy running though. her tight little tanned body... and how she uses the bottom of her shirt to wipe her face. i don't need my glasses to know that she's got the perfect physique for me.
it's okay, while we were working i asked her how old she was (because i honestly didn't know), and she told me she was 19 turning 20. yikes... perfect age for me too, huh? i told her about how and why i hate 20 year old girls and she laughed at me. it was fun because she admitted to laughing at my pain and i gotta admit, anyone smart enough to just laugh at my dumb theories is smart enough in my books. i mean, it's not really something i follow (obviously *ahemaliaahem*).
i'm in trouble, aren't i? i'm trying to justify to myself that i don't like her, aren't i?
luckily this'll take care of itself when she goes back to school in a month and a half or so.
but anyway, after i was done running and erika left, i was walking to starbucks to get some ice for my knee and i saw a black benz pull in i couldn't quite tell but it looked like it could've been kala'i in alia's car (oh, btw, i also saw gail earlier today too, she seemed like she was happy to see me but also i kinda sensed that she really missed me). anyway, i went in and alia was working but luckily howard (not howie, but a new starbucks howard) was there to ask me some annoying question about video games. anyway, i got a bag of ice from howard and kala'i came in to give alia a plate of food so i got to sneak away before i had to have a conversation with him (or alia).
anyway, on my way back to the store, i saw ronnie and i stopped to talk to him. we started talking about alia and kala'i whom ronnie said wanted to break up with alia. that made me happy for no other reason than vindictiveness. first because he's a dumbass for dating my ex, but also because she's going to get dumped. it makes me happy to see other people suffer, horrible as that is. i try not ask questions, because asking shows people you care, but really i just want to know something bad's happening most of the time. i am a scorpio....
anyway, me and ronnie ended up sitting on a bench and talking for like 45 minutes while i iced my knee. icing it really really helps, the swelling isn't so bad later on and the pain is gone by the next day unlike before.
all right, i lost the desire to write further. i go now. bye bye!
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