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2009-07-01 - 12:22 a.m.

i'm not sure why, but it was awkward around erika today. i'm going to chalk it up to being around her yesterday when i was just ultra-competitive when i'm usually just a goof around her.

but holy fuck does EVERY-thing hurt today.

it's probably got to do with me jogging three miles this afternoon. i don't know why i did it, but i guess it's because i didn't want to feel like a pussy.

this is what i do i guess. i find something i really like and then i do it till it's bad for me. drinking, smoking, porn, now running. i can't not do it.

i also have this thing about eating too. i honestly don't feel the compulsion to eat like a normal person. russell likes to give me shit about it more than anyone else, and erika put it best today: "you sound like an anorexic." i thanked her for using the right term because i'm definately not bullimic because i don't binge and then purge, i just straight up skip meals. but she's right. i probably do exhibit some attributes of an anorexic. kinda like how i was a borderline alcoholic.

what can i say? i've got issues.

she also made me think about randi today too.

erika reminds me of randi a little too much for my tastes. really cute, really smart (although i have a nagging feeling randi is actually smarter), really athletic (erika might win there), girl who play's video games. they're even close to the same physically size too. i miss donna at times like this. someone i could talk to about this. no offense to anyone else, but this is the kind of shit i need to talk to someone like donna about.

i'm not even sure if i really like erika because i mean, i don't really know her. i think at this point, i've kinda just fallen for the fact that she's a cancer and she reminds me of randi.

possibly even just because she's a cancer....

how gay is that? i couldn't even tell you between what dates a cancer is.

it fucking hurts to walk right now. i just need to point that out. i so shouldn't have run....

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