2009-08-31 - 6:57 a.m.
This is how much of a queer I am. Its a free trip to Vegas and I'm spending my second night in my hotel room reading for my philosophy class.
And that's only because I spent yesterday reading my english book all day while I was flying.
I'll be honest though, its also because I'm flat broke. My car broke again on monday so I had to borrow money from my parents to pay for that, and all the cash I have for this trip is from them too. I really don't want to be here because everything is too freakin' expensive and I hate being around all this shit and the mainland managers all piss me off and I just generally hate strangers and being around people etc.
Yeah, I'm some kinda jerk, huh?
The good thing about me being here is that I'm forced to do my homework because I've got nothing better to do. I think when I get back home I should stop at Kahala at night after work so I can study.... Sounds like a plan, Ryan!
So I signed up for eharmony and its been pretty lame. I'm honestly trying to make it work too. I messaging almost all the matches it sends me, the ones that I feel comfortable about anyway (hell, even a couple I wasn't). But all but one didn't even respond... The only one that did respond was the one that I knew would respond even though I didn't see us matching up just by looking at the photo she posted. Hell, even Carlie had the same reaction when I showed her the picture ("No, Ryan. You don't match with that girl"). And what makes it even worse was that she's stopped the guided communication with me too. I think its because on one of my Must Haves/Can't Stands I had "Uninterested" on my Can't Stand. What that means is that I can't stand a gf who doesn't want to have regular sex (as in on a some-what constant, not as in not-freaky basis). I didn't mean to send that as one of my Can't Stands, but its true too. It was one of the reasons me and Alia broke up. I'm not a man-slut, but I do want to have sex semi-regularly if I'm in a committed relationship. I doubt she's going to respond anymore.
I wish I didn't sign up for eharmony sometimes because I get this feeling of false hope from it a lot. Only one of the matches was anyone I found physically attractive and only one has even bothered to respond to me. A lot of the time I get an email alert I silently hope its an eharmony "meet your new match: ______" one, and I hope that its someone who'll be the one, or at least someone who'll provide me with a date at least once to say I tried it.
It actually leaves me feeling depressed sometimes....
I've been thinking about Panda Bowl a lot lately too. I feel REALLY guilty thinking about her because I know her bf and I like her bf too. Its not like I even want them to break-up either because they are a good couple, its just that I want someone like her too. She's kinda what I think I know I want in a partner (I know what I said in that sentence...). I also think I would be compatible for her too, but at the same time I realize that those two are also very compatible and that I just don't have a chance anymore. It makes me sad when I have to admit I'm not the best. That's also why I get sad when I think about how happy Randi is with her current bf, because it disproves my theory of my ex-gf's "you may find someone better for you, but you'll never find anyone better to you."
Okay, enough dicking around on your blackberry Ryan, get back to your homework....
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