2009-09-13 - 1:29 a.m.
it's the eve of the first sunday of football. i. am. EXCITED.
i'm also a little angry and a little depressed.
i'm angry because there's a vegan in my philosophy class. i kinda wanna drop the class because i just don't feel like working this hard in something i know i'm not going to do well in regardless; i also kinda wanna drop the class because i know i'm going to butt heads with this asshole as well. it's guys like him that make people hate all vegetarians.
although i like mari, she's a vegan who eats fish or something like that. i think she just doesn't find the idea of eating a bloody mess of chicken or cow appetizing.
neither do i, that's why i get mine medium-well.
mari was mark's date the other night.
anyway...
i hate this guy with a passion and i almost said something snarky on the class message board, because he brought up his vegan-ism and how it's morally superior to everything else. but i kept my mouth shut because it's not the place to have it out about those things.
at the same time i'm depressed too because i keep going through with this stupid eharmony thing even though i know it's just a waste of effort for me. they offered me a $60 renewal for three more months and it seems like a deal, and it is... but i don't know if it's worth it to keep going because i just don't know if i'll really meet anyone. i mean, it would be the easiest place because it's where people who don't meet people go to meet people, but i just haven't had any luck with it. even the luck i have experienced when that one girl did respond to me, was the one i didn't really care for but knew she would be the one to respond.
so that's really depressing. "if it weren't for bad luck i wouldn't have any luck at all" comes to mind.
soemthing about my life just feels really unfulfilling i guess.
i don't think my philosophy teacher likes me either. and the one cute girl in any of my classes, i don't think she thinks much of me either... and it has to be in the philosophy class also where i'm the class idiot (not even the class clown!). i sent her an email about something that she was talking about in class so we'll see how that goes, but i'm pretty sure i'm being pretty transparent that i'm only doing it because i want to talk to her.
fuck.
why bother anymore.
makes me wish i still drank.
speaking of drinking, the people i went out to dinner the other night with want to do it again. i went looking through my phone for someone else to take incase carlie didn't want to go again (which is really likely) and there's only one person who i would even think about asking, lauren from starbucks, and that's almost a 100% "no" answer waiting to happen. saddly, the other alternative to her who i know would actually be a fun person to take because she'd be conversational and all that jazz, is alia, but that's just a baaaaad idea.
i just don't know any girls man... i really don't feel like i've got much of a chance to do well if i'm left to my own devices.
one foot in front of the other, ryan. that's all you can do. just keep running and eventually things will sort themseleves out. either that or you'll die somewhere along the way and then you just won't have any problems anymore because you're dead.
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