Get your own diary at DiaryLand.com! contact me older entries newest entry

2009-10-09 - 3:20 a.m.

One Breath

I�ve probably had more awkward hugs but none really stand out quite like that one did.
It wasn�t like it was a bad hug, or an unwanted hug from either of us, it just was an awkward moment from start to finish.
You know how sometimes you like someone when you know you shouldn�t and you think they might like you back even though they can�t because the already have a boyfriend? And then after you two establish a comfort zone of playful banter and the mildest of flirting, you realize it�s time for her to go?
There�s the awkward lingering, the both of you drag your feet to the door. Then you�re both standing there looking everywhere but at each other�s eyes. You try to play it cool: �it was fun, but I guess it�s time for you to go, huh?� But when you say that, you forget what you were trying to avoid and look at her in the eyes and she�s looking back at you. She says something, and it�s loud enough and clear enough for you to hear, but you don�t get it because you were lost in the moment. You realize after a second that she said she�d give you a hug, but it�d be awkward because of all the stuff she�s carrying, but by then it�s too late because you�ve already been standing there, looking at her�lost in her gaze�for a second too long. Now she�s awkward too for saying something about a hug, completely unwarranted. No one has control over the situation�
You both look down, left, right� anywhere but the eyes again. Then she decides, �oh what the hell� and hugs you anyway. You hug her back, and you can tell she doesn�t want to let go either, but it�s time to regain control of the situation. You take one breath, and with your exhale, that�s the end of the hug.
And then after that, you both have to figure out what to say, what not to say, what to do next� Again you try to avoid eye contact, but it�s impossible as you both pull away from the hug. �Don�t be a stranger�� is all you can say to keep from letting all your emotions come out. It�s as much a request as it is a hope that you won�t lose her to the distance that�s coming from that first step away. �Okay�� is the best she can muster too because it�s as much an answer as her telling herself that it�ll be okay when she turns around to walk to her car.
It was probably for the better that I wasn�t the one to initiate the hug. After all, she was the one with the boyfriend. If I had hugged her first, it might�ve been like I was making a move on her. Plus, she�s a girl, and girls are more emotional about good byes than guys are. It was better that she did it�
Man, who would�ve thought a hug could be so awkward?


that's supposed to be a prose poem for my english class again. prose poetry is tougher than i thought it'd be because i don't know if i'm writing a poem or a story at some points.

anyway, this one is supposed to be about the first-last time me and erika worked together. i say "first-last time" because we actually worked together one more last-time when i had to fill in for someone.

the assignment was to write a poem about a moment you remember... i tried writing one about when carlie confessed that she'd lied to me, i tried writing one about the time the retarded guy shit on my carpet at work, i wrote a non-assignment based one about how i have alia's phone number memorized and it's like a highway with IED's scattered across it... i've been trying to write at least one complete poem every night. be it a haiku, a pantoum, free verse, etc. at least something daily.

i actually got started on one i kinda liked about dealing with a colt's loss in january (nfl playoffs time). i was writing about how a loss in january is different than breaking up with a girl or losing a family member. i liked it, and it could be a good one if i worked to clean up the ideas behind it, but this one just seemed to flow from within (gay as that sounds) better.

i'm scared i'm a little too one dimensional as a writer. it feels like too much of my work revolves around not being in a relationship. but then again, i also turned in the agreement which was about work (although it had relationship overtones), and talk to me goose (which was lost friendship/alcoholism). yeah, i'm fairly one dimensional... at least my haikus were stupid!

Previously on - Currentlier

about me - read my profile! read other DiaryLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get your own fun + free diary at DiaryLand.com!