2009-10-10 - 1:59 a.m.
so i've been writing and re-writing and trying to re-re-write that last stupid poem to make it more poem-y-ish. it's really getting to me because this is one that for some reason is begining to mean more and more to me.
this one is actually begining to mean more to me than the pantoum about the picture of me and randi that came before this one (i think i posted that one, if i didn't let me know and i will).
i don't know why this one is taking a life of it's own, but it really is. it's actually kinda driving me bat shit.
i want to capture this one just right because there's so much freedom to do so. there's almost no boundaries to form with a prose poem. it doesn't have a specific format, it doesn't need to rhyme, you're free to use language as you see fit to create an image of a moment. but that's my problem, i don't do imagery well. i have a hard time creating a setting to bring the audience into the situation. i think i can effectively put you into the character and hear their voice, but generating the suroundings is the hardest thing for me to do.
i blame chuck palahniuk for this. i don't know if that's fair but i don't remember his writing for creating the scene. i kinda just imagined what i wanted to when i'd read his books.
besides, i just never really cared for setting. even when i read comics, i look at the pictures, but i don't absorb them like some people do.
so i have all of this working against me as i try to write this poem of something that was actually a happy moment for me. well, maybe happy isn't the right word... it wasn't a bad moment. it's not like what i would've wrote about if i tried to flesh out "1%" (which is about when carlie confessed that she'd lied to me). it also doesn't bring up painful memories like "about a picture" does.
this one, which i can't even really think of a title for because i hated "one breath," kinda makes me smile a little bit because yeah... she has a bf, and yeah she's too young, and yeah she works for me, and yeah she goes to school on the east coast, but god dammit, it felt nice that i could click with her the way we did. for all the awkwardness that there was at certain points, there was also an amazing level of comfort between us too. i know it sounds almost creepy, but she said it herself, she was comfortable around me.
it's not like the kinda awkwardness i have around panda bowl because of the fact that we also work together and i kinda do/kinda don't have a crush on her... i think that's passing to an extent though.
it's definately not like the awkwardness that i have around the chelsea in my english class too because that's all awkward. as long as it's class work, i'm cool. but if it's just conversation, i don't know what the fuck i'm doing.
i miss erika. i hate the internet. i didn't even drink and i'm kinda depressed. work's gonna suck tomorrow, i just know it.
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