Get your own diary at DiaryLand.com! contact me older entries newest entry

2009-10-16 - 11:56 p.m.

i know it's only because i'm focusing on the bad stuff, but god dammit, today wasn't that great of a fucking day.

lets start at the end....

my car broke. again. it was doing that smoking thing with a lot of coolant and shit all over the engine bay.

at work, i got chewed out for 35 minutes. as chelsey would've put it, blane came out of the pokeball.

i'll be honest, those are the only two things that really got to me, but while i'm making today's shitty day to be a bigger issue than it really is, let's pour it on.

i had a chance to talk to chelsea after class (english class chelseA, not panda bowl chelseY), but i pussyed out.

i forgot to take out a stupid paragraph in my essay for english class too.

and while i'm at it, let's throw in one more filler, but this time in non-chronological order.

i have to skip school next wednesday to go to a stupid meeting for work. it's our annual market meeting where we discuss preparations for the holiday season. you know where we're fucking having it? ice-god-damn-palace. we're not 9-years-old god dammit. granted, blane wasn't the one who set it up, and we have to do it with the other district (which also pisses me off), but this is bogus.

sometimes i'd seriously like to kill myself just to not have to deal with myself.

this is a good time to not drink, ryan.

i have $350 to fix my car. hard limit. i absolutely cannot go over that.

i want to smash my god damn face in.

i actually want to cry a little bit too.

i want to figure out why shitty things happen karmic wise.

okay, in a practical world i know why they're happening. i got chewed out because my store is a mess and because i'm not doing my job. i deserved it. i'm not mad at blane for chewing me out because i god damn deserved it. and my car keeps breaking because it's fucking 15 years old going on 16.

that's why this shit keeps happening.

so really, i just need to stop being a bitch and fix what i need to.

oh and btw, today was alia's birthday. someone reminded me of that.

i also figured out why we only had sex once. it's because i only spent a good ammount of money on her once. the one time we had sex was christmas eve, when i gave her a present that was about $300 or so. if she's banging this older guy, i'm pretty sure it's because he's buying her shit too. know how i figured this out? by writing a poem about it.

writing is the only thing i have keeping me sane i think. i wonder if i'm ever going to lose it. i really feel like i need to cry just to let it out, but that'd mean i feel sorry for myself, and there really isn't a reason for me to feel sorry because this is seriously all my own doing. everything that's happened to me is my own damn fault and no one else is to blame but myself. i really should just slit my own god damn throat.

Previously on - Currentlier

about me - read my profile! read other DiaryLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get your own fun + free diary at DiaryLand.com!