2013-03-07 - 8:41 p.m.
fuck. running jobs is hard. i'm not even past submittals (honestly, we haven't even submitted anything yet, i'm like a week behind original schedule) and i found something else that i'm going to lose money on, fucking spare lamps.
learning how to do this is hella hard.
plus i'm kinda behind on all the invitationals we need to do. maybe it's good i don't have any hobbies to distract me from work. or carlie. because she won't talk to me it seems like. or chelsea. or anyone other than karen. but what's the point with that because a) she has a bf and b) i'm not interested to begin with.
fuck. things feel like they're piling up now. i need a key to the office (and an alarm code) so i can go in on the weekend since i don't do shit anyway.
fuck i just feel overwhelmed right now. it feels like there's too much going on and i don't really have an outlet because i'm too poor to have the kind of hobbies i like to have.
i know i can do this job, i know i can get good at it too. but jesus, i fucking hate this learning phase. it makes me feel so stupid and all that other n00b shit. i don't even know how to answer questions sometimes. shit sucks bruh.
i'll learn, i'll get good at this, but right now i fucking feel like i'm in over my head and this is only a small ass job.
it's times like this that i wish i had a gf to just fucking tell me to calm down and breath and things'll get resolved; maybe not fixed, but the problem won't persist because either you have the money or you don't and if you don't it comes out of your profit but either way the job will get finished.
it's just not the same when you say it to yourself though, y'know? telling yourself things will be okay just seems like you're asking yourself if things will be okay. when it's someone else saying it, it has more effect. i think that's why i need a gf. well, not the only reason but one of the primary ones at least for me. if i have a gf then that means i'll have someone to reassure me that i'm not a complete fuck up with everything i do, and even if i do fuck something up that there's a solution to it out there.
another thing that's bothering me (and completely unrelated to anything): why is a lion the sigil of the house of lannister? i haven't heard any references to lions in westeros. the direwolf of house stark are an ancient sigil but they reappear south of the wall so you know they exist. the stag of house baratheon is another animal that i'm sure makes an appearance in the books. the targaryen's are major players in the history of westeros. the eagle of house arryn, while it doesn't appear near the eyrie, an eagle is seen north of the wall. house tully is a fish, and fish deffinitely exist in the books. house mormont has a bear; brienne of tarth fights a bear before jamie lannister comes back to save her from vargo hoat. house clegane has three dogs which exist in the books. shiet, even house seaworth has a sigil that exists in the books (an onion). but i don't ever remember reading anything about a lion being an animal that actually exists in westeros. the next closest one i can think of is the krakken of house greyjoy but lion's are for a strange thing to exist but not exist, y'know? krakkens on the other hand are already mythical creatures that i can see being okay to kinda make mythical further more in a show like game of thrones.
i'm a fucking nerd.
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