2014-01-07 - 9:42 p.m.
So I've been a salesman for like, four or five months and I think I'm getting the hang of it. But whenever I think I'm getting it, something happens to remind me that I don't know shit and that's frustrating too.
What makes it worse is that Miles and Wayne quit to go open a competing lighting supplier so there went the guy who mentored me for a year. Plus Gary's leaving in less than a week so there goes the other guy who I'd go to for questions. Things are going to get harder for me before anything else.
And Barb is, well, Barb. She feels so much pressure and she heaps it on everyone else. The difference for everyone else is that they know how to do things so they don't have to go through upstairs, but me, I need help where ever I can get it so sometimes that means hearing it from her too. I don't think she means any of it the way it comes out, but man, sometimes it's like... gah. Plus I kind of feel like there's a lot riding on me because I'm supposed to be the new big deal for the company. It's a lot of pressure to not fuck-up sometimes. I mean shit, sometimes I don't even know that I've fucked up either.
But I guess that goes with learning any new job. Everyone says it takes two to three years before you'll feel comfortable doing this. Well, I guess I'm coming up on two years in a few months so the learning curve must be beginning to flatten out, right?
Shit, I can't believe it's been that long already.
Oh and I've become jaded by match and okcupid because neither seems to be working for me. It's really annoying when you realize that two of the things that are holding you back from even getting responses are two things you can't really change. I'll never be taller than I am and I'm not going to get a college degree and that seems to be two of the things that are preventing me from drawing any attention. I'm sure there's other things like I'm not super good looking and I've probably got a shitty profile, but I mean, fuck. Do you know how disheartening it is to see a profile and think "Oh, she's cute, I should email her" and then you read her profile and it says something like "education is very important to me." BITCH HOW MANY DUMB MOTHER FUCKS HAVE YOU MET IN COLLEGE AND THEN GRADUATED WITH? Do those people really think that a college degree automatically means someone is better than someone else? I'm not trying to put other people down, but for fucks sake I know I'm not dumb but it's like I'm not even given the opportunity to prove myself. It fucking kills me. Also, the height thing. That actually just makes me sad because that's something that no matter what I'll never be able to get over. I mean, shit. You can prove to people that you're not stupid eventually (if they let you), but you'll never make yourself taller to meet some girl's ideal height.
I got a guitar for christmas because I wanted a hobby. Let me tell you that shit is also depressing because I've got short fucking fingers and that makes it hard to play cords. I don't know why I wanted learn something so difficult. Actually I do. It's because I watched Scott Pilgrim and I thought to myself: "Maybe if I knew how to play rock and roll I can melt some panties?" Fuck me man. It's fucking madening how dumb I can be.
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