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2014-01-11 - 10:22 p.m.

The Colts lost tonight and it put me into a very dark place. Not necessarily because the Colts lost, but just it brought out a lot of the negativity that's been eating me up inside.

Idk, I've probably covered it in here but I don't re-read my old posts because fuck, whatever, this is for me not you.

Online dating is fucking terrible. You know, when you give your phone number to a girl in the real world and she doesn't call or text or whatever it's one thing. Fine, she wasn't interested. You didn't invest much because you barely know the girl so you don't have any real ideas of if you actually like her or anything aside from maybe a short conversation. But online dating, you read a profile, you look at a few pictures and you kind of get the idea that "Hey, yeah, we've got things in common and this and that. She's gonna like me because look we got things in common!" So you send her an email and you never hear back from them because it doesn't fucking matter that you have shit in common because you still don't know why, but the difference this time is that you're a little more invested in the girl because you knew some things about her that should've made it easier for her to get back to you.

But, then, sometimes you don't even bother sending the email because you see that she's into guys who are 5'10" or she want's a guy who has a college degree or only dates white guys. And you know what, fuck me because that's a lot of shit that I can't change about myself so what's the fucking point? Honestly, how do I feel better after seeing that I'm never going to be any girl's fucking ideal?

Seriously, what girl wants to date a short, late 20's college drop out? Especially when she can't fucking understand what I do for a living. If I told someone I was an accountant then they'd probably understand what I do better. Shit, if I told someone I worked for a freight company they'd probably have a better idea of what I do "Oh, like UPS or Fed Ex?" yeah, close enough I guess. But me? I have to tell people I'm a commercial lighting salesman. What the fuck does that even mean? "So you sell light bulbs?" Not quite, and then I have to explain what I do and no matter how quickly I can explain it in as few words as possible, they've already lost interest (not that there was much to begin with). And it's not like I can say I'm a "salesman" because what the fuck kind of salesman am I? Do I sell medical supplies? Cars? A Best Buy employee trying to be more impressive about his career? And then I'm back to explaining that "no, I don't exclusively sell light bulbs and if you go to the Hilton Hawaiian Village lobby you'll see something I've done but then you'll forget because who the fuck looks at the god damn lights in a fucking room?

It's enough to want to fucking cry some times.

And it's not like I ever meet anyone in my line of work either. Even though I get to leave the office now, there's rarely any girls and never any my age. Fuck, the other day I went to go meet one of my accounts and drop off something and the first thing one of them said after I introduced myself was "Really?! You look like you're just out of high school!" FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

Idk what to do man. I've tried meeting girls "the old fashioned way" by just asking random girls out and it's worked out like this: one was already married and at least two (there might've been more) didn't call or text. Someone introduced me and she turned out to be really jesus-y. No fault of her own but there's a reason there's only been one introduction; none of my friends have any single girl friends apparently.

It's fucking useless.

Man, fuck it. What's the god damn point.

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