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2015-09-12 - 11:44 p.m.

I think it was Incubus that was just playing on my music player, but that's not important. What's relevant is that it's a play list of music from the 2000's and it brought me back to memories of high school.

Yeah, I think it was Incubus.

Anyway. Hearing them made me think of Randi. I don't know why I think of her every once in a while. It's not like I'm hung up on her anymore. I've gone over this with you faithful reader already. It's just idk, I got to thinking about her because of the music. I even thought about sending her a message on fb or something to say... shit idk? hi? Explain that I finally understand that I wasn't good enough for her by her standards? But I was smart enough not to. Well, not right now anyway. We'll see if I get dumb enough later on.

But more high school animosity!

So I've got this big job at that school down the street and jesus christ I'm getting fucked up from it. They're telling my customer that I'm fucking them because my lights are too expensive and that they don't want me on the job anymore. I think we're past that but they don't trust me anymore and now my contractor thinks I'm a sneaky little shit too. Fuck man, it's been killing me for two weeks that one of my accounts thinks I'm not being a good salesman for them. It's times like this I wish I could do something else. I hate feeling like the company is counting on me to keep all these relationships good because sometimes I just want to tell people to fucking slow their roll and stop telling me I'm dicking them. I'm not like that. I'd rather not deal with you than intentionally fuck with you. It's not worth the fake ass kissing to get your money god dammit.

Also, my other big account I'm worried about impressing constantly too. I know I need to keep them happy because they had the same salesman for 40+ years and the relationship was good. I haven't been in this industry a 10th of that time.

I think I know what I'm doing and then I get some kind of reality check telling me I don't know shit. And then I question myself if I'm really doing the right thing. Of course it doesn't matter because I don't know what else to do but shit. It sucks having that feeling of idk if I'm cut out for this. I think I am and it's just normal bouts of doubt that everyone has until they're dead.

Fuck it all man. It's football season. I'm sure I'll have other things to be pissy and emo about soon.

Also, fuck that stupid ass school down the street. I'm gonna send my non-existent children to Kamehameha and pay full tuition just so they don't get any fucking money from me. I'll also never vote for state money to go to a private institution short dicking every child out there of an early education because of that stupid, cheap, high makamaka, institution.

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