2000-10-09 - 02:20:18
man am i tired right now. i should get sleep, but i have to sooth my addiction. actually, i think that this is a good addiction. it helps me get out some of the stuff i normally keep in. but either way. its still an addiction.
i went to the thing w/ the banner and the serpent and the stuff. it was for homecomming. that was queer. im not on either committies but yet i help. im such a weiner. why am i helping? cause im too damn devoted to making an impact on my life by doing the good thing. why am i so devoted to doing the good thing? i think its cause of freakin peer ed giving me all these morals and things to live by. and then theres the student gov thing too where i think i've picked up some work ethics too. i dont like it. i hate being devoted it was so much easier being all lazy and shit. oh well...
but why has peer ed had so much of an impact on my life i ask myself? i think theres more. ever since we've had the peer support training, i've been more and more concerend about other people. im serious! its like, when ever i see one of my friends on the down, i kinda like wonder and worry and talk to them, or at least try to. i mean, i never really did that before... its all weird... i've never really been so concerned in my life about others.
wow... i think its finally becoming winter-ish. the winds picking up, i remember last years winter. it got really cold. in fact, it was so cold that my toes were freezing. not litterally. but i remember busting out my sleeping bag and walking around in that. but this year, i gots sweats to use, so i'll just throw on a pair of socks, and sweats and im all good. i also remember that was when i first got really hooked on the AOL thing. i remember being on till like super late and stuff. it was all good... until i had to set my sleeping schedule back on. which still hasnt really happened. and i remember a few personal things. i remember staying up real late talking to someone. i remember talking to them till 3 am cause their throat was too sore to sleep. i remember talking till at least 1 am every night just because. it was good times. im sure y'all know who im talking about. but its just that i dont feel comfortable releasing their name w/o permission. but yeah... i'd say, that ranks on the top of my list of memories for the time period.
i just finished watching the last major scene of glory.
even though this is my third time seeing the movie, i still found myself mesmorized w/ sweating palms watching it. i wont disclose the ending, even though all of you should know the ending from history class. i absolutly love this movie and gettysburg. both are my two all time favorite civil war movies. thats because both are historically accurate from what i know. its not full of crap like some war movies. those movies just piss me off.
but whats really weird is that this movie brought out emotions from me. that almost never happens. these werent the angry emotions either, they were just plain ol' emotions that i dont show everyday. the only other movie that i can remember from recent time that did this for me was the green mile. that was also a really great movie.
today, at the thing for the home comming, melissa said that i wasnt important enough to listen too. neither was anyone else. so all of you go bother he about that. bother her that she says we're not important. and jenna shafted both me and blair to talk w/ her dude. oh man, and then blair, she goes and says that i said something like he's not important when shes the one who didnt wanna talk to him when he obliged to talk to her. i swear... blair, shes so mean to some people. and jenna too, just walking out on us like that. and then making us do her work. both of them... justine was the only nice one there. she didnt do anything mean to me. blair, she blamed something on me. jenna, she shafted us. melissa said i wasnt important. all of you are mean. go follow justine's example. especially you blair! your the peer educator! blah! and you said that jenna wasnt your inspiration any more and then you offered it to me. and i said, when you get the job to call me up. and then, i go and read your diary, and what do you do? you dont say that im your on-call inspiration! im hurt blair.. i truly am. how could you? i thought we was amigos. what happened? tsk on you my friend. if thats what you really are! argh...
and jenna's mom called me rude today too cause i wouldnt accept her ride. i mean, i would've taken it, cause jenna's mom and i get along for the little that we talk. i think its cause i put on the polite act infront of parents. i do the "im interested" tone of voice, which i am sometimes might i add. i find it enlightening talking to some people. especially parents. they have so many more years on me, sometimes what they say is interesting.
i cant believe i just said that. that was weird. but it was the truth none-the-less.
okay, i think i've written enough for now. i go now. peaches.
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