2001-08-24 - 9:32 p.m.
first day of my senior year.
boy was it boring.
i went to sleep on the couch cause my bed just isn't really comfortable anymore. i like to sleep on harder surfaces, i.e. floors and hard cushions like my the ones my couch has, so i slept on the couch and i woke up on the couch.
and so i drove to school, and then i was asked how i drive to which i responded i drive like a mix of ikaika and dennis. what i meant was that i corner hard and fast and i drive like a maniac trying to get places fast, but safely might i add. ikaika drives fast and corners fast. dennis corners fast and hard, likes to get places fast, but he's very safe about it if you ask me.
but no one took it that way. they all think i drive like an insane maniac. but, i think i'm a good driver.
y'know... i was hoping my senior year i'd find some hot ass chicks to pimp on. but y'know what? it's all the same people as before. nobody new to try and get it on with. well, nobody new worth my time. i may just revert to finding some freshmen chicks and hitting on them just to see if i can do it. hmm... blair's got a sister and she's not off limits like jenna's sister... (nah, jus' joke blair!)
our leadership class for first period is a cruise course in my oppinon. all we did today was help teruya set up for her next period... which i was in. the good thing, i dont have to go anywhere and i didnt have to do another one of those schedule things. the bad thing is that if shes pissed about something at the council, then i have to put up with it right there. ai-ya...
oh, and i talked to boss about having me as a TA during period 5 since i'm done with my math. i'm really scared to take math again mostly because i know i wont do well. oh, and i'm intimidated by nishioka. yeah yeah... all you swimmers keep laughing... but i'm not affraid to admit it. or is it that i'm intimidated by the subject? maybe both? all i know is that i really hate math.
and the shitty part about it is that if someones good at math, they dont understand why i can't grasp it. i know blair knows what i'm sayin' cause she's not good at math either, but shes higher so yeah. but it really sucks cause the smart people aren't able to grasp the fact that some people are weak in certain subject matters. i think i'm more of a hands-on kinda guy. not quite suited for book learning. although thats how most stuff is geared to be learned. i think that sucks dick.
y'know... entirely off the subject (there was a subject?) micah gave me this paper promoting a meeting for a religious group at school. i didn't really want to go, but i was thinking, "hmm... i'm always talking about broadening my minds eye... maybe i should check it out?" but i'm busy thinking "will i be selling out on my all religions but no religions idealogoy?" i'm really not sure what to do because i like micah a lot. he's a good guy. and i think he really supports the program. i think i owe it to him to go, but i'm just not sure. maybe i'll go with someone just as neutral on the idea on as i am to check it out.
y'know, i wonder if my admiration of micah is based on the fact that i want to be like him? am i wanting to be like him because i saw that Punahou Girl had an attraction to him and that i want that same admiration to be towards me? is it because i'm trying to be like him that i think so highly of him? i remember once thinking that i wanted to be micah. could this be the culmination of it? to the point where i sacrafice my way of being to become more like him? i wonder if i'm losing my identity to gain the admiration of others. boy have i become shallow.
okay, back to the school day...
y'know, newswritting is a bit intimidating too. or at least the way hamel made it out to be. i'm not so worried about the writting part, it's more the part about interviews. i hate talking to people cause i'm not good at thinking of questions, but i've noticed that all good interviewers are able to peer deep into a persons mind and come out with verbal acknowledgements of things. i'm more into the psychological edge of gaining insights into the person sub-concious mind. but you cant take sub-concious gatherings to print, can you?
oh, and in rotc, i acted like i used to act. well, not too much like how i used to act, but more or less like how they'd prefer i act. all concerenced and asking questions and the like. i mean, fuck... if they want to stroke my ego, they can go right ahead and do it and i wont stand in their way. i like having my ego stroked. and i'm really pissed that i'm still an e-7. i feel that i should be at least an e-8. i have the training and the leadership to do it. but they want me to be some fucking platoon sergeant. and then they also put man ki ahead of me. that really got to me. man ki has more time in leadership postions than me, but i am a much better leader than she is because i'm not afraid to jump on someones shit to get them to do things. she's timid, i'm bad ass. i should be the first sergeant, not her. but, oh fucking well... i'll just run my squads into the ground.
y'know what really bites? i haven't spoken to kim kido in a long time. but i did find out that they are bringing apocalypse now redux to hawaii. i'm going to go see it with my dad tomorrow. it's 3 hours and 23 minutes long! dude... if i take kim, i better get something out of it man.
oh, and whats really cool is that my not speaking has really gotten to my mom. she even asked me what she could do to get me to speak again. i'm thinking about it... but if i do talk to her i'm not going to call her mom to her face. i'm gonna call her debbie or something. not mom. she hasn't earned that respect back from me.
i wish i had a car of my own. i'd drive out to kailua. y'know, kristin's sister looks like kim kido. i wonder if there's a lineage connection in there somewhere? not direct lineage of course, but like 4th cousins of estranged brothers aunties cousins or something like that.
do i sound obssesed?
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