2002-05-31 - 10:16 p.m.
man... in less than a day, i become a graduate and everytime i step on the hallowed grounds of roosevelt, i'll think to myself "fuck, i'm turning into kavin."
hahaha, betcha y'all weren't expecting that, huh? nah... but it kinda struck me today that i'm older, bigger (fatter), and wiser now. i was walking in the hallways of a-bldg. after grad practice and all and i stretched my arms apart and i felt as if the walls were closer and the celling lower, as if i had grown over these past four years. man, i have grown (wider around the waist).
frosh year, i was a fuckin' punk. i was a punk ass mother fuckin' freshman who needed to get beat down. infact, i did get beat down too. y'know, if timote manafukai hadn't kicked my head in, i probably would've still been an asshole now. but nah... i think that helped me learn more about life.
and then, sophomore year i was still a punk, but erin helped clean me up. she showed me that there was more to life than keeping an image. if it wasn't for her too, i'd probably still be a punk also.
my junior year, peer ed really helped me stop being such a mother fucker. my junior year, i started to care about school and all that shit but that wasn't the big part in my turn around. it was peer ed. man, if i hadn't had peer ed, i'd probably be a fuckin' dead or something. peer ed made me into the happy bitch i am now. it made me open my eyes to other aspects of the world around me. things like not joining the military, helping people, learning to cope with shit... all those things that people need to know to survive in life. i thank you so much boss even if you don't read this. you really helped me change my life.
oh, and i went out with another erin t. and i still haven't lived that down... mostly because of erin t. (tago you fricka... i'm gonna keep my eye on you...)
and now, this year. well, actually this summer i turned my whole life around. i gave up on rotc, i gained a whole new lease on life. i adopted a new outlook on how to live. fuck this plan ahead shit... i'm living life for now and now alone. no more thinking ahead, no more fretting about the future. fuck the future, the future has yet to happen, why spend my life waiting for things to happen when i can enjoy now. that's what i started to live my life as. and you know what? it's been fuckin' great. no more of this stress i used to have. i'm happy and i'm glad with life. and becuase of this, i've grown... i've grown as a whole. my entire life is now seen from a whole new aspect.
classes like news writing have made me into what i am now (ugly? fat? stupider?). i'd have to say that news writing has been my ultimate class this whole year. not only was it my favorite class, it was also the class that helped me develop my voice in public. before, i used to write, but only teachers and a few peers knew what i thought and wrote. but now, with news writing, i had the ability to spread my gospel to the masses. parents, other teachers, more students... everyone who read the paper now could see what i had to think, and that helped me grow.
this is all just a jumble of thoughts because that's all my mind is right now... just a jumble of thoughts. so many things are running through my head that i'm getting skinner i think. yeah, that many things...
heh, i might just kick myself later for making so many wise ass remarks in such a serious entry. serious? hardly... but yeah...
i think that's just me. i joke and be sarcastic to cope. i should find a way to exacerbate that condition so i can be funnier.
but yeah...
my dad made me watch american graffitti tonight. well, he didn't make me, but i did watch it with him. it was his grad present to me. the reason for that specific movie is that it's set on the same night as a bunch of guys who're going away for their first days of college the next day. it's all about growing up. and so my dad told me to watch this on my last night as a high schooler. yeah, i dont intend on being like kavin and coming back to school every fucking day like a fucking pussy ass bitch.
so i might come back to visit hamel and inouye and all them cool teachers, but i aint gonna come back every day and park and shit. that's just fuckin' gay.
shit, i dont really wanna graduate. i dont want to grow up. i want to be a teenager for the rest of my life. but by that i dont mean i want to die anytime soon. maybe later on though... but yeah.
shit... its really really hot.
oh well... anyway, i'll give a more indepth look at this year sometime after project graduation i guess. well, i'll see you guys later on...
peace out all youse mother fuckers.
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