2004-04-25 - 2:13 a.m.
this whole thing about Pat Tillman being KIA in afghanistan has been weighing on me really heavily.
as you all know, i used to be scary army boy, and to an extent, i still have some of the same mentality. i still think that those who serve have more of a right to have a say on certain things, like when to go to war and stuff like that. you know, kinda like john kerry has...
but either way, it's kinda brought up this feeling that i ought to do something with my life like join the army or at least the national guard. i know i could excell in such an organization because it's really simple once you know the rules. the only reason why i didn't do so well in rotc was because they made us get those stupid grade checks and i never did well in math. but if it wasn't for that, i could've been much higher. but i digress. i almost feel a sense of duty to join the military and serve my country.
but i wonder if it'd be the best thing to do. i know randi would be really pissed at me. i don't think she would understand the emotions i have concerning patriotism. it's not a knock at her, it's just i have my own feelings on things like that. and i'm not saying i like that army shit again either. infact, i know i'd hate every moment i'm in the military, but i know i could do it, and i kinda feel like i have to do it.
hell, my dad's been trying to get me to join since i was seven. it'd make him happy.
but i know i'm not going to join up. it's not who i am to actually become a soldier (or a sailor, airman, or marine). it's just this strong feeling, almost of guilt, that i'm not doing my part.
god dammit.
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