2000-04-27 - 23:57:13
I HOPE MY MOTHER DIES SOON. shes such a dumb ass... she doesnt listen to me and she expects me to listen to her. god... why cant she just leave me alone dammit. i cant wait till im of age to do something else w/ my life. i dont want to stay home, i want to get away. i cant wait till i die either. then i can be even farther removed from my mother. i really want to fail all my classes to spite her. just to piss her off. just to make her feel that... that... feeling. argh... fuck... i should fail as badly as possible. just stop comming to school already, just cut class and leave school. not even show up. i really want to do that but it'll piss off more than just her and i dont care to do that to my friends.
why the fuck doesnt she listen to me? is my voice that annoying? is it just that shes goin crazy? is it that shes plain stupid? i think its crazy and stupid combined. fuck... i just want to hit her so baddly... just sock her a good one in the face. just so she learns that i dont want to take her crap anymore.
i am so fucking pissed at her... she knows im right when i say that trying in alge is just pointless now, but she doesnt want to go back on her word because she knows that im right and shes wrong. and she knows that if she shows that im right, shes going to be even more stupid than me. and it pisses me off when she says that shes right when we both know that shes wrong and im the one whos right. its fucking pointless... hell, i've had adults who agree w/ me that im right, including teachers!
i am going to snap one of these days, and im going to do something that i regret. maybe i'll run away from home, or maybe i'll go stand in traffic hoping to get hit and die. who knows? all i know is that it wont be anything to anyone else. i will not kill or hurt or maim someone else. cause that is un fair.
and i know that that is because of my fucking stupid soft side. i really fucking hate it. it makes things so hard to do. it really pisses me off... i wish it would just go away. it is so fucking junk!!! argh i hate it!!! i wish i didnt have this stupid soft side.
i need to shoot something, or go running, just do something to get this negative energy out of me. AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! so fucking pissed... why cant i just get out of this place? why cant i be older already? why cant i have something to do to get me out of here??? its all my fucking fault too... why the hell did i have to be so god damned stupid? why did i make myself so fucking lazy? god fucking dammit. answer me dammit! c'mon god, answer me!!! FUCK!!! cant wait till i die...
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