2000-07-09 - 02:55:05
my uncle is dying. he's got a cancer of some sort and well, its terminal. hes at st. francis hospice right now living out his last days. and the thing that bothers me isnt that hes dying and i never really got a chance to meet him, its just that i dont know how to act in the presence of a dying person. i know im supposed to feel like remorse and stuff, but it just doesnt come. i mean, i think of it like this, people die everyday, what makes one person more important than the others? i know this person you say? but still, thats like saying that just because i dont know those other people, it makes their deaths insignificant. i just dont understand what the whole reason to get all misty eyed is for. when my other uncle died, i didnt feel a thing. when my grandpa was in the hostpital, i didnt feel much of anything either. when my mom found out she had a cancer, didnt feel anything either. it seems like death doesnt strike me as important. i dont know why either. and that bothers me.
hmmm, i went to the mall today. that was fun. i walked there cause my parents went back to the hospice after dropping me off. it took me only 30 minutes. it normally takes me 40. i like walking. anyway, i got there early early. i got there at like 5:47. and i didnt need to be there till 6:30. well, kerin and coryn got there about 6:15. so that was okay. then erin came, and they dragged me into wet seal. i had to follow the three of them so as not to appear too queer. and then i got erin to escort me outta the store so i wouldnt look gay walking out of there by myself. i hate those stores. they scare me.
after that we met up w/ brandon. then coryn tried to take him shoping for his b-day present, or at least i think thats what she was trying to do... but anyways, she ended up buying only for herself. i even helped coryn select something. i think that blew her mind. and since she listend to me, that blew my mind too. oh, yeah. that was at... whadda call that... after thoughts. and then we went to... T&C. then kerin asks me about a wallet, so i tell her what i think, then she shafts me and asks coryn the same thing. i was hurt. not really, but i like to say that. then we went to HIC. i ended up bothering the rest of them somemore. erin spent $50 on clothes. i've never seen so much been spent on one set of clothes. okay, so i have, but i like to say that too. but anyways... then we went to mcdonalds and me and coryn played rummy. she kicked my ass. both games. both games i got only 20 points. that sucked ass. but oh well. im a loser so it dont bother me. he he he. okay, then we all left. and that was that.
but that whole apathy towards death in the family is really disconcerting. kinda like me having charm (that was the subject of last nights diary entry. if you havent read it, i suggest you go and read it. and then write why you agree or disagree with it in my gb). okay, well. g'nite y'all.
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