2000-09-16 - 02:45:41
this so has not been my week.
i swear to god, im gonna flip out sooner or later.
im already loosing it.
man... gonna wig out soon if things dont start to work for me.
okay, week in recap.
monday: this day wasn't so bad. but, dont worry... you'll see it start soon. soon as in tuesday's recap.
tuesday: this is where it all starts. i finally realized how much crap i have to do this day. peer ed mediation training starts. god... this sets me back about one day's work. plus, i also have to start to prep for a presentation to give to the library staff the next day. god was the mediation training boring. oh yeah, this is also where i start the "angry entry" epidemic.
wednesday: i find out that i have started an epidemic of "angry entries." i read blair's "go drink and party hard" entry" and jenna's "bandwagon" entry where she "jumps on the bandwagon" and starts to bitch about life. so yeah, i started that. and earlier in the school day, more mediation training! yippie... no, not really. i hate that shit. plus i also had a lot of work to make up and tests to take and all sorts of extra miscellaneous shit. and not to mention the presentation that was kinda unnecessary to the library staff. rightfully, my day should've been good cause i did the stuff that i needed to do, but y'know what? it didnt end there...
thursday: ah yes... more problems w/ the web page. the god damned place is booked tighter than a virgin twat. i have to go and take spots where ever i can take them, and in one months time, i'm only getting enough space to put myself in the lab once. the rest of the slots go to per. 3. fuck... the damn web page is so fucked up.
friday: ah... the culmination of the weeks worth of shit pushed into one small day. first off: during peer ed. i get called into the office of the School Safety Coordinator. he says hes conducting an investigaton of a threat. apparently i threatened to shoot someone or kill someone and miss lusk took it seriously. i swear to god that i did not say that. but apprantely, she took what ever i did say as that. fuck... i swear to god... if i didnt have bad luck, i'd have no luck at all. then, later on, after school, i find out that i am probably in deeper than i thought. get this shit. they might cut me from the rifle team. i dont know what i'll do. if i dont have the rifle team... im gonna be so fucking messed up in the head. its all i live for in the first quater. everything i do is centered around the rifle team. every fucking thing. even drill team takes a back seat to that. i really am going to be lost w/o it. i swear to god... if they take me off rifle team, theres gonna be cuss fest. oh, i also have to take anger management. i really hate that... really really hate that. i tried it once, im afraid of taking it again. fuck.
tomorrow, i hope it'll be better for me. i got the parade which i have to wake up at 530 for. i gotta be at school by 630, which really means 615 at the latest. i need to get dressed tomorrow and get my gatorade and power bar from 7-11. i need my gatorade so that the liquids i drink will be kept within my body. i need the electrolytes. electrolytes help me retain water which will keep me walking.
fuck... im gonna be fucked tomorrow... i just know it. im gonna faint or something tomorrow. i know it. im gonna be walking and then im gonna feel dizzy, and then boom, i hit the ground and im out for the day. which would also mean no riflery for ryan, which would make ryan very angry. ryan is so bad luck to himself. ryan is fucked.
im tired. im angry. im sick of life. i wish i could kill myself for a while. i dont want to be here for now. i just want to go away for a while. just walk somewhere where i cant be bothered. somewhere where i can live problem free. someplace quiet and dark and large for me to explore. a deserted island. that'd be nice. gotta make sure its not one of those destered islands that arent really deserted and have cannibals on them. cannibals scare me. they eat people and stuff.
god... i am so tired. hate life. dead tired.
lifes a bitch. no, shes not a bitch... shes THE bitch.
oh yeah, im not sure if i said this, but i revoke naming my rifle crystal misti okuno. im back on the search for a new name. name my baby.
now go away and place a message on the guest book and name my rifle.
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