2000-09-17 - 04:43:03
before i forget. yes melissa, there is an XHS. Xavier High School. as for ZHS, im sure there is, like Zarbourgho High School or something in Asshole, Alabama.
the week did get worse. just as i had predicted.
i didnt feint at the parade, but i do have messed up tan lines now. fuck. i have one across my forehead from the hat, two on my arm from the shirt sleves and one around the neck from the collar. i cant win.
then i went to riflery, and i find out im suspened from shooting. fuck. this is the only thing i have. everytime i think about not being able to shoot competitively, i feel like crying. its all i have. its the only thing i excell at. nothing beats me at what i do in riflery. nothing is more important to me than my shooting. its all i care about. esp. since i dont have a girl, whic brings me to my next point.
at the cafeteria ball, i felt outta place, hell i wasnt even gonna go. i was just gonna go and meet blair and jenna there and tell them that i wasnt gonna stay. i was gonna go to stevenson and sit and think. but nope, i got dragged into the ball. fuck. then i walk around and see PDA's which depress me further. i swear... i just cant win at all. oh, and blair said im a "raver" just cause i can do that figure-8 thing.
im really not in a great mood right now. this week just hasnt been my week. nothing good has come out of this week. i think i should just shoot myself due to all the shit of this week. nothing works for me. nothing. i hate life, i hate living, i hate everything about me. i dont want to live. either that or i want to sleep for a long long long time.
but noooo, i cant do that.
tomorrow i have to go to a fucking play i dont even want to go to. hell, i wasnt even asked if i wanted to go to the damn play. i could be going out w/ people. but now i have to hang around in a fucking theater for 2 hours+ just to see a damn "comedy" play. fuck.
i wish i were dead.
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