2000-09-19 - 02:56:02
Okay, before i forget to answer these questions again. to sannan jones or whomever. ryan, the owner of this here diary is 15 years old. he also is a resident of the fair island of Oahu in the state of Hawaii. paradise. i like it here. hmm... what else should you know about me? oh yes, im passionately in love with shooting and spinning rifles. oh, and i cant forget. girls. i love girls. hmm... yeah, thats about it.
and too melissa. we cant really tell who is who, so i just wave to anyone. im sure i'll wave to someone i know. y'dig it? oh, and there is a ZHS. its in louisiana or something. just type in ZHS at yahoo.com and it'll take you there. as for calling my rifle, "babe" that's what i used to call her before i decided its time i name her.
now, to my life getting worse and worse.
i talked to haru today about my reinnstatement to the team and shooting tomorrow. guess what. unless there's an act of God, (no mr. bickel, your not God) i cant shoot tomorrow. so im gonna go to the range anyway and help out coach. so yeah. and coach nate called me tonite and told me that even though i cant shoot, i still need to turn in grade checks. frick, i tell you. im being screwed over so baddly. argh. and mr. haru also said that they might remove riflery as an OIA sport all together. so even if roosevelt drops it, i cant get a GE and go shoot some other school. i'd have to go to a private school. god dammit.
and guess what else. today takatomo told me that we're not gonna have a drill team all year. me and him were all sad after that. i wanted to cry almost. nothing means more to me than those two things than girls. i love girls, guns, and drilling. but after today, i only have one of three things! hell, i dont even have that one! fuck! i have nothing of the things i love! what the hell is this shit!?!?!?!?! fuck. and you know why we dont have a drill team? cause koki that faggot doesnt want to allow jason sacro to coach cause he doesnt like jason. so hes fuckin the team over because of a personal dispute. i swear to god, i just cant win. nothing goes my way. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
wheres the love, yo? c'mon God, gimme my props.
shit... those three things are all i had. and now i dont have any of em. no girl. no shooting. no drilling. what am i gonna do with my life now? if your thiking school, heres what i say. i've been doing my work in school and doing all those things so far this year. so by doing this, i have even less to do. and today is a perfect example. i finished all my homework and was looking for something to do. infact i was so bored that i was wishing i had more homework to do. fuck. what am i gonna do? i need a chick. one who can pick me up to go do things. frick... what am i gonna do??????
im gonna cry.
i need my drill team. i need my shooting. i can live on those two things. the girls aint so important cause i've lived w/o them for so long. but the drilling, i feel lost w/o the feeling of a rifle in my hand and breaking my fingers. i want that feeling. the raw strength of throwing a rifle into the air and catching it. the feeling of the dead stop bruising my hand. i miss it. i want it again. argh...
i know what most of you are saying, "geez ryan, why are you passionate about this?" why? cause its something i've fallen in love with. i need it to feel complete. i need it to be me. i need it to be who i am. i need it like nothing else. its like... what i love. sure i sucked ass at it, but what the hell else was i going to do all year? fuck. i need my drill team. i need my riflery. i need a girl too. what the hell is with this shit!
and people wonder why i get all angry so often so much. look at my luck. what? you cant see it? oh yeah, neither can i.
kim said, "look at the bright side." what bright side? all three things i love, i have none of them. no girl, no shooting, no spinning. what am i supposed to do w/ my life? with my energy? with all my love? there's nothing else in my life that i care so much for. what to do? oh what to do?
�
�
