2000-09-20 - 02:44:40
i am very fucking angry right now. so angry im not sure if my sentances are comming out coherently or not right now. im not even sure about my fucking spelling seeing as how angry i am right now. im sure i should just stop right here lest i feed my anger, but you know what? it needs to get out right here. right now.
my mother fucking went through my fucking shit tonite while i was at the burger bash. i swear to god, she just looked right through my fucking folders which were off to the side on the ground where they wouldnt have been in anyones way. i dont know why she went through it, she just did. i dont know why she did such a thing, so i asked her why she did it. she said she doesnt know. what the fuck is that??? huh? what the hell? what makes a parent think that they own their child so much that they dont need to give them their own privacy. parents are always talking about how they remember being a teenager. well if they so remember being a teenager, then why dont they respect us for who we are? they claim to know what were going through, then why dont they respect it too? y'know?
fuckin whore. what makes her think she could do such a god damned thing??? i wish either her or me were dead. that way i dont have to bother with her either way. fuckin kill me already god. if you truly are a god of mercy, then show me. kill me. take me out of my misery. c'mon. show me all your wrath and power and end it right here.
fuckin puce.
i knew he wouldnt do it. he doesnt want to kill something thats so ammusing to watch. he probably finds me as a humorous anecdote to his life. when he feels down, he probably looks at me and just laughs. just thinks about how his life isnt as bad as mine. then everything is right in the world for him. nothing bothers him anymore. its all good for god. as long as i make him laugh, im gonna live. so i guess im gonna live forever and ever and ever. i aint never gonna die. and its all cause i provide him with comic relief.
and i cant shoot on the fucking team till they conduct an evaluation on me. they have to take another test to see that im just a normal angry teenager. im not any more psychopathic than anyone else. im just angry at the world.
and if they think im going to shoot people, boy are they wrong. look at it this way. look at all the people who shoot people. how many of them have formal weapons training? what about dylan klebold and michale harris or who ever. were they on the rifle team? were they ever in the NRA? were they ever anyone to accept formal weapons training? no. they weren't. byron uyesugi was one of the few exceptions to this. but look at the statistics, how many of gun owners who are formally trained, licensed, and all that shit are the ones who commit the crimes? less than more right? exactly. people who are trained in firearms saftey are less likely to shoot someone. i bet if you give a rifle to someone on the football team, the first thing they'd do is point it at their friend and go "BANG! your dead! ahahahahahahahahahaha" but if you give that same rifle to someone on the rifle team, they'd look for a safe direction to point it and then, if they find one, then they'd go and look through it. and thats all they'd do. you never see a rifle team person pointing a weapon at anyone. never. you know why? cause we know firearms saftey god dammit! we know better than to fuck around like that. we know what can happen. we know all that shit that people think we dont know and think that their mainstream sports players like football players know! it aint fucking right! we are safer than most people with weapons. we're less likely to go columbine on people. we're less likely to kill anyone. we're less likeley to do anything that would be wrong with a weapon cause we know the rules that go with owning a weapon! fuck!
nothing works in my favor. when am i going to die. i hope god kills me and ends it all. but he wont. cause hes a puce. he likes to suck penis cause he thinks im funny and therefore wont kill me. i hate you god. i hate you.
another thing. he even put heather fukuhara in my squad. the one chick who i dont like. i hate how she treats guys. i think she should just... leave guys alone and go be a... i would say lesbian but that wouldnt be fair to them. i think she should just go be a hermit. thats all i have to say about that.
fuck life fuck god fuck me
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