2000-12-07 - 01:43:48
to Virre, from Stockholm, Sweeden. yep, in the good ol, US of A, we are fucking ID'ed on purchasing a damn CD with word i use all the freaking time. which, if you ask me is kinda rediculous. i mean, hell, how many under age people do you hear swearing? quite a bit if not almost all of them. i know a few who dont... but y'know? its pretty stupid. well, we normally dont get ID'ed, but this was one particular bitch who just had to do it. aw screw her even if she was doing her job correctly.
im still particularly salty about the test. and my parents now. my fucking mother went behind my back to talk to my math teacher. she didnt even tell me she was going to fucking do it! what the fuck is that shit! i mean, im doing my fucking hw now days, and she still has to go behind my fucking back about this shit? what the fuck is that? i mean, c'mon. what the shit is this? its not like i lie to her when i dont do my hw. i do my fucking hw and tell her that i fucking did it. what the hell is that? shit?!?
oh yeah, y'know... i've been putting a lot of thoguht into this for the past two days. i give up already on trying to get smile/wave girls attention the old fashioned way. im just gonna wait till saturday. if she goes to the clean up, hopefully me, deyson, reece, and taka can just impress them enough with our really, Really, REALLY simple fucking drill routine. hopefully, with her knowing me, she'll pay special attention to me, and with luck, i wont fuck up and then she'll be all like "wow ryan, that was pretty good on saturday." then i can act all humble and hopefully that'll lead to what i've been trying to get to all this time. but, thats like the last thing im gonna hope for. i figure, fuck this. this whole thing with me trying to get to know her is like, just way too much stress. i dont know how to hit on chicks so i give up. i'll just let either her talk to me, or ms. nagata put us next to eachother in class and then i'll just build up the talking with my sarcastic comments. like the other freshmen guy behind me. the only reason why i talk to him is because he's behind me and i have nothing to do. oh yeah, and as a junior, i have to introduce him to the whole "im a junior, and im gonna tell you how to do things so you dont get dead." no. i dont really tell him that. i just talk to him because he's behind me.
i really fucking hate this whole thing. girls give me stress. no, not really, most of it is self-induced. me and erin talked about that once. so did me and shana. i hate stress, but its kinda necessary cause it makes someone get their ass in gear. like with math. i was stressing about not gradding so i got my ass in gear and im getting help, asking questions and shit like that. but my mom doesnt seem to trust me on this. so she has to behind my fucking back about this! can you tell im pissed at her?
fuck my mother. she can go to hell. no wait. she can go to heaven. i really dont want to spend eternity with her. bitch.
y'know, i think my hell would be like the perfect world for me. i'd just go insanely nuts knowing that everything fit in perfectly. it'd just drive me nuts knowing that nothing ever went wrong. i've grown up to expect the worst in every situation. whenever i do good its just such a shock. nothing ever really goes my way when i really think about it. i mean, i've never came in first place for anything that really mattered. especially things that mean a lot to me. its like, riflery. the closest i ever got to team first place is second place, freshmen year. and then for individuals. i WAS first place, till the next fucking relay. i was first place for 50 minutes. you know how disheartening that can be seeing your ass moved down two spots? by two guys with the same score? from a school that has beaten you how many times at other things? with a guy coaching them that you have no respect for except for his rank? it really made me angry. i mean, im glad i made it to third place, but not all that much. it was a sour victory being beaten by them.
i really fucking hate leilehua. they took my fucking 1st place for the individual air riflery champs. but thats not what really pisses me off. the one thing that really gets to me is this: at the beggining of this school year, we had a drill meet for rotc. it was the Leilehua Drill Meet (make sure you remember what school hosted it). and well, i had the "inspection team." we stand there in the nicest uniforms possible. we gotta make everything nice and pretty, shoes shiny, brass shiny, ribbons straight, etc. and well, i got the praise of the guy in charge of all the rotc units IN THE STATE. he said i had the best looking team he'd EVER seen. and this guy is old! i mean, what the fuck? i had the best team he'd ever seen, and then, guess who beat me? leile-fucking-hua. i really hate them. they're uniforms look like shit! i've seen em. they suck dick. really fucking hate leilehua. fuck em all.
im really really salty.
and i cant get none.
but its all good. i get to drill now days so im happy. i can spin rifles :) so, its all good. (not ALL good, but good enough)
peaches
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