2001-01-06 - 03:24:30
oh man... im not a good boyfriend.
i had to go eat dinner tonight with my parents at sizzler's and just as we were leaving, erin called. but i couldnt really talk to her cause we were leaving yeah? but i wanted to because she sounded none to happy. and y'know? i really care about how shes feeling, so for the rest of the night i was grouchy and cranky. even after eating! and when i eat i ususally feel good too! but nope, not tonight cause i was really concerned about her.
so i got home and called her and asked her what was wrong, but she wouldnt really tell me. so, that kinda made me feel a little bit worse. she said like she felt like she couldnt really talk to me because i dont bitch to her, so she felt like why should she bitch to me. i dont know... it kinda hit me in the heart when she said that, and not in a good way. i felt like it was more my fault then she let on. i want to talk to her in person because its easier to convince someone to talk to you in person, but its kinda hard to talk to her because she lives only oh so many miles away, across a mountain range, and then some.
i dont know, im just not feeling all that sharp. im really tired and really concerned. and i dont think im going to sleep really well either. i kinda had a bad dream while i crashed earlier this afternoon too. so, its not been much of a good day once i came home from school.
ugh, i feel really bad about the whole deal with erin. i wish i could get her to talk to me easier. its funny, she said she feels like she isnt pulling her weight in this, but right now, i feel like im not because i cant get her to talk to me. i dont know. maybe i am a bad abusive boyfriend. i dont deserve to have her do i? fuck.
peaches.
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