2001-01-26 - 03:48:27
stress stinks. but arrid doesnt work. i just ate a whole arrid bar, and i still feel like shit, that damn thing hasnt alleviated the stress one iota. is that a word? i think so... maybe i just spelt it wrong which is why it looks wrong. oh well, tell me if i did or not. you can get your "ha! i'm smarter than your dumb fuckin' ass okuno!" in while your at it.
oh, and i didnt eat an arrid bar. just makin' sure.
but god dammit. the fuckin stress is fuckin building like a bitch. man... i almost cried talking to erin about the stress earlier tonight. i was talking to her, telling her how much shit i have. and god dammit, my eyes started to tear. that just pissed me off. it was just so god damned womanly of me. fuckin' sabrina mak cries. i dont. so why the hell did let my eyes tear? pussy. twat. cunt. sorry, just had to say those vulgar words cause it felt like comming out. shit.
man, erin says i need chocolate. i think i need prozac. and caffine pills for the next three days. i need to stay up and memorize my speech, iron my uniform PERFECTLY, shine my shoes PERFECTLY, pin on all my awards PERFECTLY, and finish all my filing and what not, plus cut my hair. at the same time, i still have to do my vocab and the lit shit and all the other shit... fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
oh, not to mention i got one of erin's friends mad at her for bitching out eric. but what makes me even angrier is that he didnt take me serious. he fucking talked to her later on bitching about me. what the fuck? but erin told me not to do anything else. and if she says not to, then i wont. i already ruined a friendship of hers the first time round, so if she tells me not to. then i wont.
shoot me now.
i want to break something right now. like, really break something. like fucking bash a car with a bat. or club eric to a bleeding pulp. or something not nice. but, that would be wrong because it would be destruction of property. or, at least what should be property. what i'm saying is that eric should be the property of a lab or something. he's obviously not a human-fucking-being. he's more like an ugly lab monkey. if he's even that high up on the evolution scale. i really want to beat him to a bloody pulp. but i cant. lucky for laws and shit.
and the bad part is, i'm not even a violent person. if anything, i try to avoid real fights. like over the summer, when gavin wanted to fight, i didnt want to because i couldnt gain anything out of it except for maybe a vendeta from the rest of the football team. and when kenny wanted to scrap too, i didnt. again because of the vendeta issue. theres nothing really to be gained by violence, yet most of the time, it is the only solution people will respect.
fuck! kill me now.
argh.. and lusk is being a dirty whore too (sorry for using your phrase jenna, but it fights so right here). shes giving us that damn lit test next week. i dont have the patience to study for that. at least tomorrow is free reading. i like that.
i dont want to stay awake. i want to sleep for a long time right now. emotionally tired is what i am. this is just like earlier this school year. i remember it because it really made me salty at life. this time aint so bad because i have a little better grasp about how this goes. so i'm just waiting till monday. monday is game time and then it ends right there. waiting for that time.
plus i'm waiting for wrestling season to end so i can spend more time with erin.
and then, somewhat perversely, i'm waiting for paddling season to end so erin tamashiro and i can go do something. we havent done anything since we broke up. its kinda funny how close we still are. well, not really seeing as how we were best of friends before we went out too, so yeah... i guess it aint that odd. but yeah. i miss just chillin' with her. shes cool.
ugh. maybe after next monday, i'll be able to go out again on the weekends. we'll see. stupid life gotta give me work. i want to sleep.
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