2007-07-23 - 11:36 p.m.
the day started off pretty well, but ended really sucky.
i went to work early and as i'm going to jamba juice to get me a smoothie to start the day off right, i see donna sitting there by herself having a cup of coffee. i say hi and we start making pleasant talk, so she tells me to go get my smoothie and come keep her company. i had planned on doing some extra work in the morning, but what the fuck? it's donna! god she's so beautiful.
that's actually the third adjective i came up with. first it was "hot," but she's not "hot." then i put in "good looking," but that wouldn't be enough to describe her. "beautiful" on the other hand sums up exactly what i think of her.
anyway, we were talking, i found out she's 39 years old and she does not look that old. i kept saying how good looking she was. and she kept calling me sweet for saying it. i fucking meant it. we talked about how i have a lot of life to live, but it was mostly me just listening to her talk. it's what i'm good at. i'm great at listening to people who want to talk.
so we talked from like 845 to like 930. i ended up loosing 45 minutes, but it was WELL worth it. i ended up getting a lot of what i needed to get done, done anyway.
during the conference call today, dave called me to tell me that he's still sick and his family is kinda sick too so he'll need to take care of them too. drats... he'll be out till at least wednesday (double drats). but i was #1 in the district, yay! i guess i was feeling a little cocky about it so i told the rest of the group that i'd pick up the slack for rich, ron and mark. i was talking a lot of shit for a guy who pulls #1 once every two months.
but blane said entirely the wrong thing to me. he made a fasceitious (i don't know how to spell that word) comment about "i guess working all day everyday really works." by saying that, it made me decide what the hell... why not?
ugh... i'm pretty tired though. i think for the first time in my life, i've got bags under my eyes.
it got to the point where i was so tired that i'd kinda just lose it in the middle of the day and semi-pass out.
because dave was out, i just kept devin with me all day long. he's really getting it at work though. he's probably the first in line to be my next key holder if i get a fourth key.
sorry alan.
i like devin though. he always tells me that he likes the job because of me and this is the most fun he thinks he'll ever have at a job. that makes me like him a lot (as an employee).
devin can't wait for sarah to start either because he doesn't like dave as a boss. he said dave's kind of lazy. i guess i knew that too.
so yeah... i had a good day at work. when i got home though, my mom was on kauai for the past few days because my grandma got sick.
it turns out she's got advanced cancer. she's got maybe six months to live. they've planned, grandma's planned, to let it go. she doesn't want to do chemo or anything. this is the hardest part for me. it's not the death i don't want to accept, it's the seeing someone accept death as imminent. i hated seeing that in gracie, my old neighbor, when she'd just given up on living. it's just knowing that it could very well be the last time you see someone, what do you do? what do you say?
i'm kind of worried about grandpa though. he's pretty far gone in terms of alzheimers (we think. you can't really tell until the autopsy). i wonder if he's just going to start yelling "ma! ma!" 'cause that's what he calls grandma...
but my mom put it best. it could end up being better because grandma is suffereing from early stages of dimentia. it's probably more dignifying to go this way...
they're going to put her in a hospice. it'll help her final days go easier... she'll have 24 hour care, and it'll be quiet and stuff for her. nice and calm...
mom want's me to take at least a day or a weekend off soon so i can go see her. i want to because it's the right thing to do, but it's so hard to see someone you know is going to die...
and i don't know if it's better or worse that i wasn't very close to her. it makes me feel guilty, it's always made me feel guilty, but i just don't get close to very many people. it's not that i didn't love them, it's just i lived here and they lived there.
ugh...
i hope donna is there in the morning tomorrow. it's not that i don't want to talk to anyone i know, it's just sometimes you need a different perspective, or even the same perspective just from someone else. y'know?
every thing will be all right though... it always is.
but i guess to end it on a good note, this one guy who shops at my store works for kellogs and he said he'd take care of us with free shit. go pop tarts!
i love seeing that guy because even when i'm having the shittiest day he always cheers me up.
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