2007-07-24 - 11:44 p.m.
so, actually, i only have about a month now.
my grandma got more tests back and it looks like it's a lot sooner than i knew last night. it's kinda tough...
i wonder if this is karma for something?
i know i've done a lot of stupid shit and mean shit in the past, but ouch.
i guess it's hard for this to be karma though because people die anyway.
speaking of death, one of my customers came in today. she's the one who's husband died and i went to his funeral for the store... as well as for myself.
she offered to help in case i need help grieving. i don't know how anyone can help you through grief, but yeah... no, well... it's more like they won't do anything to help, but they'll be there.
i remember when deyson died, i had to turn to everyone for help. shana and randi the most. that was one of the hardest things i've dealt with.
i can't imagine what it's like for my mom...
it's her mother... and it's kinda sudden too.
cancer? who knew?
i told blane today about it too.
he called just to check up on me to see that i wasn't falling apart from working so much--which i'm not... yet.
so i told him i was holding up all right, and i asked him if he was doing any better himself since he was going on two hours of sleep on monday.
i'd told him that i was doing okay, but i'd had a kinda rough night, he asked what was wrong. when i told him what it was, his exact words were "oh my god, i'm so sorry." i also said that i might need a weekend off in the near future, he told me to let him know whenever i'd need it.
i didn't think it'd be within the next month. this really sucks. i need to get my store back up and running... i need to catch up on everything i'm having a hard time keeping up with because of fatigue at work. i also need to get sarah started and get her trained as well as discipline reid but build him back up again. god damn... i have a lot on my plate.
22 years old... am i really old enough and mature enough to be able to handle all of this? i guess i have to be, huh?
i'm not really the old man of the store, but i am. boyce is older than me, and cherie is my age. so's dave. plus i have judah who i actually turn to when i need advice as a manager.
but boyce and cherie never work, and dave doesn't really work even though he's there from what i hear. and judah, well, he's got his own shit to be concerned about.
i guess i am the old man of the store. devin, alan, and reid all look up to me. well, that might be floating my own boat, but i feel like they look at my work ethic and at the very least appreciate it. koji at least respects my authority in the store. amber, i think she's afraid to dissapoint me more than anything else. that's pretty much the core of my staff.
as for if that makes me mature enough to deal with death and turnover... i don't know. i guess i have to be strong enough to hold everything together, including myself.
donna wasn't there this morning... i kinda wish i had the chance to talk to her. i really hope she'll be there tomorrow though. i could really use someone to talk to. not that i don't appreciate anyone who reads this. i just want to talk to her too.
god...
the days don't really feel long at work... they just feel long in my mind when i'm not there. i guess i just keep myself busy... or i sleep on my feet... or while i'm sitting down on a stool... or while i'm recieving a box... or doing a count... basically while i'm doing anything at work.
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