2008-07-20 - 5:08 p.m.
fuck exercise, i'll just clean my god damn bathroom.
i've yet to break that much of a sweat in my place until today when i was scrubbing my fucking bathtub. jeebus. it didn't help that the gloves i bought were too small so i couldn't really get a good forehead wipe either.
but i'd like to report that my tub is mostly clean and my toilet is pretty damn clean. yay!
screw you guys, i rarely clean, but i feel like it's a good idea, if not only for myself, but also in case i ever have guests over (which is basically never).
i type in a lot of super short paragraphs. we're talking one-to-two sentence paragraphs. i think that's a little too short from a literrary stand point. i don't even know if i spelt that word right... or if it's even a word.
oh wellz...
so i did end up going to lunch with bre last wednesday. we met up at d&b, ate a quick lunch and then went our own ways. i remember at first thinking "i think she likes me" when we first left, but the more i thought about it, the less i felt so surely in that. i don't know what to think with her even when we do do stuff together. she leaves me with this feeling that i'm special, and then the more i think about it, the less special i feel. i don't get it. whatevas...
we still text nearly every day, and on occasion she'll call me in the morning on her way to work, and i feel really good when that happens, but otherwise, i feel like she's afraid to like me or let me like her, and then it just ends up being friendly.
i don't like friendly because it means i don't get to feel happy and loved. ...it also means i don't get laid, which i'm sorry, but is very important to me.
i don't know who i'm appologizing to, but it seemed like the thing to say.
i saw nicole from asb at zippy's the other night. she's not really from asb because she doesn't work there any more, but goddamnit she's so good looking. she actually recognized me first. i pulled my car in and as soon as i got out she holla'd at me (the only reason why i used "holla'd" was because "yelled" would've implied that she used an exagerated volume to call for me, and using "called out" would've made me feel like she was using a hooker call on me, which couldn't be further from the truth). so we walked in and were talking the whole time in the line, but i didn't get a chance to do anything but make small talk because my food got there before she even had a chance to finish her order. i can't believe i did this but i left my number on a business card for her in her door. i felt proud of myself that i even did something stupid like that, but no one else seems to think it was a good move. and by no one else, i mean max.
she hasn't called, which means she probably (100% probably) isn't interested. meh, at least i did something stupid.
i still want to punch sarah in the f'ing face btw.
me and bre are supposed to go out to lunch again this week. i hope it happens. i really really do because i almost started to ask her the leading-to-bf-status questions, but i lost my nerve. i should stop caring so much, i really should. all of this caring goes against the philosophy of "just drown" that donna and i've addopted. it's actually something that her brother came up with. it's like when you're drowning, the scariest part is when you're struggling to find the surface, but when you decided to just let yourself drown, it's not so scary. you're at peace with everything happening. "just drown."
i was like that for a little while, and then bre started to text me every morning, and i lost my edge. i have to keep myself mentally calm.
okay, i'm outties.
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