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So talk about weird shit happening....
Like out of nowhere, me and alia have become something approaching couple status.
Its the weirdest shit that's happened to me in a long ass time. It mostly started when she got back from africa and one of the first things she said to me was "hey, ryan. You see this? This is me ignoring you!" (I'm pretty f'in sure I wrote about that)
Anyway, so the day befor I left for vegas and the managers' conference (which is thankfully over) I text'd her letting her know that she won't have to deal with me because I'd be gone for a week. Anyway, she ended up coming into the store with her cousin and she was giving me shit like she always does and I just wasn't feeling it so I kinda let into her about how her saying she was ignoring me kinda bothered me. And to make a long story short, later on that night I text'd her that I didn't appreciate how she would say she would get back to me and then never do it.
Well, we got that cleared up, and then next thing you know we're texting for the next hour and then I'm calling her and we ended up talking for like two hours that night and just learning all about each other.
Weirdest shit ever.
Its kinda confusing for me. She just broke up with her last bf a few weeks ago and she's still got a lot of baggage, and I really don't want to be a rebound guy because I get easily attached, so we agreed to take it slow and just be friends. I never said I'd wait for but I think that's what she expects, but at the same time I don't want to lose this opportunity to get to know her so I've kinda cut myself off from chelsea, emotionally at least.
Its so weird for me being into alia though because she's so obviously white on the inside and she's only 19 and she's just not someone I thought I'd ever really date. Not that I'm dating her now, but all signs point towards it happening. The past two nights we've spent on the phone for like 3 hours. Its crazy in my head. I want to be cautious, but I always fall into these things heart first. Its so bad for me.
I know its happening too because I was listening to what used to be one of my favorite songs "Lover in the Snow." Its about a guy who wants to know whatthe girl he's into sees in another guy. That used to be how I felt about every girl I'd ever met. But after talking to alia this past week, I don't feel that way anymore. The song doesn't feel like it has as much meaning for me anymore.
There's also bre. Its been kinda awkward for me this week because I've been spending a lot of time with aaron, who is one of bre's ex's. He's a cool guy and we get along really well. But I also spent a lot of my time texting bre too because we do that. He also know I'm friends with her too so I think I've caught himtrying to see if I'm talking to her. That's one issue. The other is with bre directly. I told her about alia, and now I'm kinda curious about where her head is because she'll be the first real contender for attention. Plus there was the time we spent half the day cruising the north shore together. On a whim, I met up with bre at her house and we went to the beach to take pictures and then we ate dinner. I swear, while we were eating dinner, it looked like she was lokking at me kinda like she wanted me emotionally but she wasn't sure about it either. Donna summed it up best when I told her about it: she's thinking that we get along so well, why wouldn't it work, but there's something stopping her and she doesn't know what it is. I kinda get that vibe from bre and it bothers me a little bit. I don't know why it does, but it does.
I've been sober for two weeks now too. Not to make myself sound like I'm stronger than I really am, but it was a struggle. On tuesday night, the hawaii stores all went out to a bowling alley and there was alcohol flowing pretty freely. I was pretty drained by the end of the night because it seriously took a lot of my effort to not grab a bottle and start drinking again. Dead serious too. Paul ran a bottle of heineken under my nose and I almost took it. I don't know if its good for me though. I'm kinda tired of having to say no when I know I could feel so good. Alia asked me why I drink, and I came to the conclussion that its not to have fun, but more so I don't feel bad.
I have a problem, but I'm managing it.
I'm also managing my masturbation problem too. Almost at one week for this one too!
Whoo! Go me!
I can't believe I'm saying this, but I can't wait to see alia. She makes me feel like I haven't felt since I thought bre liked me after our first non-date. I've got that tingling in my hands and all. But I have to stay tempered because she's not ready yet she said. Ugh... Baggage....
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