2009-05-13 - 8:57 p.m.
$600
but that's only an estimate.
i have to get my master cylinder and both cv boots replaced and it's going to cost roughly $600.
that was the first thing i found out today.
oh well, at least i was kinda prepared for it. i already had a feeling that it was the master cylinder that wasn't working right. it didn't feel like the break lines, and i kinda knew it wasn't the break pads/shoes (although i wouldn't put it past that shop to suggest i replace them either--not that it's necessarily a bad thing to get that taken care of all at once anyway).
i'll have my safety check done at least!
...a little more than 18 1/2 months over due...
whatever.
it's getting harder and harder to not want to talk to alia.
there're so many things i want to say to her and ask her.
"why do you want me to be a part of your life so baddly?"
"why do you look at me that way?"
"you know i can't be your friend because you'll never change, and neither will i."
god... every time we see each other, she looks at me so briefly before she turns away and she's looking at me like she misses me. it hurts whens he looks at me like that because she's so beautiful (not because she's sad, but because i think she's beautiful). i don't know what to say.
i want to tell her that i registered for two classes next semester. i almost texted her that night as soon as i was done: "i registered for two classes fall 2009. i kept my promise."
i didn't because that would've been stupid, but i still want to let her know.
i know it's not the way to go about doing things to make her feel bad about losing me to her stupidity. it doesn't even make sense.
i'm so close to drinking tonight. the car doesn't even make me feel sad in the long run. it's only money. alia is what's fucking with me.
i'm going to break and i'm going ask her something stupid one day. and then i'll fall in her trap again. and it'll all happen all over again.
fuck.
i shouldn't have started talking to carlie again because she made me remember what it feels like to be ignored by someone you're with almost every day.
i shouldn't have gone to eat dinner at my parent's place because then my mom would've never told me to get married.
i should be dead. that'd solve a whole bunch of my problems.
i should shut the hell up and stop being a bitch.
maybe talking to alia will solve my problems. if i do it right and i control the conversation and not be too worried about hurting her feelings and being tough to her i can say all the things i want to say.
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